T20 - Jedis and Wizards in Middle Earth... Part II

The HP team supporters cast Lumos spell on all the lights and the stadium comes alive, presenting a brilliant spectacle. The Star wars team, led by Yoda fly slowly to the pitch in their pods. They huddle together to discuss about their strategy, that was worked out by Yoda and R2D2 with C3PO as an interpreter. Finally, they disperse to their assigned positions wishing each other with the words, “Let the Force be with you”. The Harry Potter team’s opening batsmen, Ron (with a wand) and Hagrid (with a club) walk to the pitch to the thunderous ovation that came from their supporters awaiting the start of the battle.

Ron, at the strikers end, waits patiently for the first delivery. The whole stadium erupts as Gandalf signals the start of the match and Obi Wan Kenobi is raring to bowl the first delivery. Ron, with his wand raised concentrates hard on Obi Wan’s run-up. As the ball( a lightsaber-proof one) comes at a blinding speed to the stumps, Ron tries to cast a flipendo spell on the ball to just defend but without Hermiones assistance ,forgets the way it has to be pronounced and ends up saying Flopendoooo. The ball skids on and rattles the middle stump. Star Wars team draw first blood.

Hermione takes guard at the strikers end and Obi Wan gears up for the next delivery. Hermione drives one straight down the ground with a powerful Flipendo spell. Boundary as there is no long on or long off and the Veela girls start dancing by a Tarantallegra.The next delivery – Hermione,uses the Impedimenta spell to slow down the ball and when it has almost stopped, uses Wingardium Leviosa to hoist the ball and make it land in the stands. The ball drifts toward the fineleg boundary and Haan in his Pod keeps ogling at the Veela girls and completely ignores the ball. Six! The next three deliveries turn out to be well disguised short balls which Hermione just defends. The score- 10/1 in 1 over.

Ad - Fred and George Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes shop.

Luke Skywalker is all set to bowl the second over. Hagrid keeps his club raised, ready to strike and grins at Madame Maxime in the crowd. Luke bowls a fast delivery and before Hagrid could strike, it races to the keeper Leia. Hagrid misses 3 more deliveries and the HP section of the crowd is silenced. Hagrid smiles at Maxime before the fourth ball, but she turns away in disappointment. Hagrid, in a web of fury, slaps the ball hard into the stands, not giving the fielders any chance. The last delivery turns out to be an excellent bouncer which hits Hagrid hard in the chin and suddenly the ball just vanishes. Manjo, standing in the slips, walks to the batsman to search for the ball, and it suddenly drops from Hagrid’s might beard. Manjo dives to his right and secures a catch. Two down for HP team. The Star Wars section hoot loudly as the giant takes a long walk back to the pavilion, crestfallen. The score- 16/1 in 2 overs. Hermione and the new batsman, Dumbledore play some intelligent cricket and take the score to 69 at the end of 8 overs.

Drinks break. Draco Malfoy, the 12th man is made to bring in refreshments for his team. Furious over not being selected in the main 11, Draco takes a minute off to tell Darth Vader he’ll do anything to bring down his team. And finally, Draco casts the Confund\us charm on Dumbledore just before the end of the break. Dumbledore is bowled out the very next ball from Haan. Dumbledore, confused over the path to the pavilion, bumps into Haan and Rita Skeeter in the audience takes a picture of the bumping act. Voldemort, the next man in, defends the first two deliveries. The next delivery, he casts the Avifors spell on the ball. The ball changes into a bird and flies towards the boundary. The next two deliveries meet with the same fate. The score- 87/3 in 9 overs. The following three overs were of mixed fortunes for HP team. Darth Vader, a spinner, before bowling the 13th over, gets his robotic arm programmed by R2D2 so that he can add leg spin and off spin to the same delivery. Hermione, caught unawares by the delivery, gets out. Snape,Fred and George Weasley follow suit in the same over as Darth Vader notches up a hat-trick. 110/7 in 13 overs

Meanwhile, a section of the Star Wars crowd make some racist remarks at Manjo, the only brown player of the match.
Harry Potter, the next man in, walks to the strikers end as the crowd chants his name. Harry casts a Conjunctivitis spell to damage the bowlers eyesight. With a straying line and a disorderly length, Harry takes up most of the strike(enna than irunthaalum hero aache) devours a run feast , builds a 50 run partnership in 5 overs with Voldemort, who contributes only 11 runs.

19th over. Palpatine, the Sith Lord bowls a quick out swinger which hits Voldemort in the legs. As the whole Star Wars team claims a leg before decision, Gandalf nods his head slowly and the HP team lose their 8th wicket. Krum plays out the the next 2 deliveries and then hits 2 consecutive fours. He finally gets out in the last deliver. Darth Vader, looking for a 5 wkt haul and Harry(on 39) craving for a 50. The first two balls fetch 10 runs for Harry,who moves onto 49. Darth Vader bowls three beauties which leaves harry completely flummoxed. The score-178/9.

The last ball of the match – everyone on their feet, ready to witness a fantastic last ball duel between Harry and Darth Vader. Rita holds her camera tight focusing on Harry. Darth before the run-up, threatens Dudley that he will let out a snake near him if he runs during the final delivery. Darth bowls a off-leg-off break and Harry with mighty concentration just pushes the ball into the gaps with a spell, runs to the other end and raises his wand in joy of reaching a half century. The crowd, in contrast to what he expected was hushed in absolute silence. Wondering what had went wrong, Harry turns slowly to his right to find Dudley, shuddering and rooted to the crease…

T20 - Jedis and Wizards in Middle Earth... Part I

T20 Match

Star Wars team vs Harry Potter world

The captains, Yoda and Dumbledore walk out to the center of the pitch for the toss, amidst a deafening noise from the stands. The dementors, students of Hogwarts, clones and a few people from different planets of the Galaxy occupied the side stands, while the Ministers of Magic, Death Eaters, Hogwarts staff, the Jedi council and the rulers of all the planets in the galaxy are seated in the pavilion block.

Cheerleaders for the HP team - Veela girls from Beauxbatons Academy.

As agreed by the two teams, the match is conducted in a cricket stadium called Middle Earth in a neutral venue. As per the cricketing regulations, umpire and the referee shouldn’t be of the same clan as of the opposing teams. Hence, Gandalf the gray is the umpire and Sauron is the match referee.Your commentators – Jar Jar Binks and Neville Longbottom.

The match referee Sauron tosses the Ring in the air, after announcing that Yoda wins if the side having the inscribed words faces him. Yoda eventually wins the toss and says in his trademark way, “Bowl first, we will”.

The line up...
HP team
Dumbledore(captain),Harry,Hermione,Ron,Voldemort,Snape,Draco,Krum,Dudley,Fred,George.
Star Wars team
Yoda(captain),Luke,Leia,Hann,Obi-Wan,Qui-Gon,DarthVader,Palpatine,Manjo,R2D2,

Pre match presentation - SportsCenter, LIVE on ESPN!
(OKay, I do know that SPorts Center is not a prematch pres show but I couldn't find a better picture!!)

Hosted by Jar Jar Binks and Neville Longbottom!

An hour before the show starts and 10 minutes before the cameramen and crew arrived…
Neville and Jar Jar are shuffling their papers and rehearsing their lines. Neville takes his remembrall outside and notices that it has turned red. He checks to make sure that all the papers are in the right order. After mulling over what he has forgotten to bring to the studio, he decides that his remembrall is malfunctioning. An hour passes by and the show goes on well, with Neville not forgetting a single line.
The final lines…

JJB – A great game on the cards. Mesa support Star Wars. Mesa looking forward to the match like yousa. Thankyousa.
Neville – For all the galaxy wide viewers, you can catch live action of the match in a few moments. And I hope the Harry Potter team beats the pants off the Starwars team. Its Neville and JarJarBinks signing off, without anymore fancy pants talk.

JJB and Neville stand up to shake hands as Sports Center’s end-of-the-show music is being played. And Neville realizes why his remembrall is glowing blood red.

Neville wasn't wearing his pants!



Jar Jar Binks (left) and Neville Longbottom

Random Reviews

The label Review has always been behind in posts count, not because I am short of topics to review but because I’ve watched too much movies and read too many books lately to write a review for each. A quick review on everything that has kept me occupied this week apart from watching the entire Star Wars series and a season of FRIENDS…

Transporters3
Amazingly dullish. Not the king of box office, but boredom. The heroine has a poke marked unattractive face. So, waiting for the odd you-know-what scene is worthless. Save 2 hours.

Varanam Aayiram

You’ll love the movie
IF you think a student with two arrears can easily start a company and become rich in a few years.
IF you think a normal person can save a child kidnapped by Delhis most feared don.
IF you think a normal parent will send his son to USA just to usharpannify a girl.
IF you think a normal person can rise upto the rank of a major in the army by a two minute music segment. ( I pardon Surya Vamsam)
IF you are one of the lot, who calls everything cute from a movie to an ant.
IF you are searching for a movie to go with your gf/bf and wanna make sure you don’t get involved with the movie even for a second!
IF all friends in your gang say the movie is great and you can’t disagree with them!

The director never told us what the ‘Daddy’ Surya did to make a living. All he did was to smoke, drink and read a book right through the movie!

Midnights Children
Imagine you need to buy a book. You walk into a library with stacks full of MC and find that it sells only Midnights Children and nothing else. If you are not so stubborn to buy a book, happily walk out of the library. The greatest literary work all right, but not a fascinating read. I finally stopped at page 299 after having extended my wits end several times.

Not a Penny More Not a penny less – An international fraud deceives four different people. The affected quadruple group decide to play the villains own game and get back their money ( till the last penny) from the fraud by deceit.

Honor Among Thieves Saddam Hussein steals the Declaration of Independence of USA by a cleverly devised plan in order to bring disgrace to USA and the CIA attempts to save the country’s pride. Jeffrey Archer is not a great literary writer but definitely one of the finest storytellers of all time. Both these books are page turners, with a great plot and narration.

What Levis, Nike and Calvin have in common!

People in urban areas are trying to catch on to the western wave by buying overpriced branded shirts in highly lit shining showrooms with grand draperies, even though half of the commodities are actually made in Asia.
Large retailers and multinational apparel companies have discovered a new lowcost method of advertising in shopping bags. They pay millions of dollars in advertising companies and dig deep into their treasury in the royal battle for celluloid space. And the chances of an average consumer flipping the channel when ads intervene is more than that of watching it patiently ( liril rexona are few of the exceptions ;) ). Understandably, shopping bags are with extra glitz and thickness these days helping all the companies and retailers to advertise free of cost.

For the people who are always short of ways to splash big bucks, for the people who want to show off their branded clothes/accessories (briefs too) and for the unfortunate guys with demanding girlfriends, there is an added advantage of going for branded items - The branded shopping bag (which is one of the few things that isnt duplicated in this country!) .

Imagine carrying some jeweller's yellow bag ( namma ooru manja pye) and walking through the portals of Citi Center? On a milder note, how about carrying a Poomukar vests and briefs name bearing shopping bag while walking down a street? Definitely not a great idea, unless maybe if you are the model for Poomukar briefs. People have become very brand conscious, right from what they buy to the shopping bags that they use for non buying purposes.

So, the next time you buy a shirt from a popular retailer, remember you are walking out with two proud possessions !

ROAARRRR....

When Ganguly announced his retirement from international cricket, the news dint affect me much as I missed Ganguly the ODI player more, but when he signed the camera on the last day of Border Gavaskar trophy, the feeling that Dada will not wear a cap adorned by the Indian crest left me shaken and stirred, as millions like me grew up watching Sachin and Sourav open the innings.

Rarely does a glittering cricket career in India end on a high. But Dada's career of controversies and centuries did. India's favourite southpaw retired from INternational cricket, provoked by the BCCIs( Vengsarkar,you bloody swine) baffling decision to drop him from Challenger series.

After announcing his arrival at the international arena in England with a bang, he has spent most of his career in the shadow of Sachin, popping out sporadically by match winning knocks and controversies! In the sport stricken city of Kolkatta, the young Ganguly had a brief fling at soccer but found his destiny in cricket,pursued it with all his heart, rose above all the odds and reached it in stlye.

During his debut century at Lords on a swinging wicket,during his fearless slaying of Pakistani attack in the INdependane cup final at Dhaka, during his five wicket haul at Toronto, during his topless jersey waving act at Lords signalling India's resurgence, during his career best ODI knock which came against Srilanka and during his classy century at Sydney, we have always unflinchingly supported and cheered the Prince of Kolkatta. And the vociferous roaring of the crowd in Eden Gardens when the Bengal Tiger walks down to bat, hunts down and rips apart the opposition bowling attack, is one of the most brilliant sights in any country and in any sport.

Innumerous times we've seen the Dada taking on spinners,treating them like high school fellas and whacking them out of) the park by dancing down the pitch fearlessly and arrogantly ; the way he pierces a packed offside field during the first 15 overs with ease, the way he pierces a packed offside field during non-powerplay overs with elegance and natural flair, the way he creates room and slams thunderously a boundary... All these beautiful moments which ascertain Sunny's statement. "On the offside, first there is God and then Ganguly".
And for atheists like me, he is the God of offside. Yeah, the He of offside.

An unrelenting warrior in heart,a journalist-friendly controversialist, a successful captain, a mentor for youngsters, a loving dad and husband, one of the world's greatest to wield the willow... Sourav C. Ganguly. Thanks for all the hours when you left millions rooted to the couch before the TV,whistling and hooting in sheer joy.

This is just a tribute to our Dada. Mind you, I havent yet started to exaggerate about Him :)



RECORDS THAT YOU MAY NOT BE AWARE OF
-First Indian to score an ODI century against Australia in Australia.
-Highest ODI runs scorer in the world (in a calendar year) in 1997,1999,2000.
-Second in the list of highest number of centuries in a single calendar year ever. 7 centuries in 2000
-He is also the only player to win 4 consecutive man of the match awards in ODIs
-His Test average has never been less than 40.
-Hold the record of most 200+ ODI partnerships (6 times) along with Sachin Tendulkar and Ricky Ponting
-Sourav, along with Sachin Tendulkar, formed by far the most successful opening pair in One Day Cricket, having amassed the highest number of century partnerships (26) for the first wicket. Together, they have scored more than 7000 runs at an average of 48.98, now with Sachin he is a world record holder for creating most no. of 50 run partnership in the first wicket(44 fifties)
-Third player to cross 10,000 ODI runs and so far the fastest in ODI history, after Sachin Tendulkar. He also reached 6000, 7000, 8000 and 9000 ODI runs milestones in the fewest number of matches.

PADMA 'SIRI'

Cinema can either embrace pure entertainment or send across a social welfare message to the masses. No other industry in the world (as far as I know) has a breed of comedians who form an essential (not adjunct) part of at least 9 out of every 10 movies that hit the screens. And Kollywood has been embellished by full-fledged comedians for the past 6 decades.
Myriad reporters have taken innumerous potshots at Kollywood for producing baseless masala movies. But its not any star’s presence that makes such movies bearable. The only silver lining is the comedy track!

Madhuri Dixit and AIshwarya Rai are few of the undeserving winners of the fourth highest civilian honor, Padma Shri. Both the heroines have done only 1/10th of the number of movies that veteran actor Nagesh has acted in. Both just act out the script written by the director, unlike Nagesh!
Take Madhuri Dixit’s case. She was awarded the Padma SHri for presumably popularizing Indian dance while there are women who have dedicated their lives for dance, like Shobana! And moreover she was living in USA when the award was announced. Someone feed some sense into the Padma Shri awards nominating committee!
Aishwarya Rai , former Miss World has not won even a single national award for acting in her life! So the Padma Shri is arguably for her looks!

The government has always ignored and failed to acknowledge the unparalleled entertainment provided by the comedians of our nation. Nagesh and the rest truly deserve a Padma Shri. For Ash can stun people with her pretty looks and MAdhuri can mesmerize people with her dance, but it’s the rare breed of full-fledged comedians who can bring a smile to your face and have you in splitsJ !
This post is a tribute to a man who has enthralled the masses with his humorous acting on screen and later with subtle cameos in a number of movies.
You’ve made your fans do something that you’ve never done before… you made them shed tears for the first time (on your demise)… Fuck Padma Shri… May you rest in peace, Padma ‘Siri’ Nagesh…

My Journo Avatar!

Saarang 09 - the Fourth Estate event.
Prelims - Of the four topics given below, an original article should be mailed to the Fourth Estate organising team.

1. Catastrophes in 2008 so far.
2. Nuclear Trust Vote.
3. Prevailing Economic crisis around the world.
4. Legendary rivalries in sports.

Naturally, I chose the last topic, penned down an article about Real Madrid-Barca rivalry and sent the unedited version erroneously on Sunday, the last day for submission! And during electronics lab today, while I casually browsed through saarang's fourth estate page in my mobile, I found my name in the shortlist for the finals !! The first phase of the finals requires the finalists to choose any event in Saarang, prepare a report and present it on stage. In the second phase, the participants will be shown a video and given a few minutes off the record to prepare. The participants are expected to report "live" on the video shown to them. In short, I have to act, think and be a reporter for the next two days, presenting news and maybe even creating them!



THE EIGHTY YEARS WAR…

A civil war bisecting the nation, a battle not manifested by artillery army tanks and bloodshed, a cold contest that is not fought for imperialistic or monetary reasons… This is Real Madrid v Barcelona FC – a politically charged rivalry dividing Spain, militated by 22 ‘soccerors’ for salvaging the pride of their club, the ideologies of their respective culture and moreover living the dreams of the soccer crazy Spanish supporters.
SPAIN – During El Clasico !

The rivalry can be traced back to the troubled times of Spanish Civil War, when Real Madrid was the face of the despotic dictatorship and Barca echoed every Catalan’s cry for a democratic nation. Barca was a symbol of defiance against Fransesco Franco’s dictatorship and the regime was behind Real Madrid. The clubs were seen as representatives of two rival regions in Spain, Catalonia and Castile. While the Catalans voiced their demand for a separate nation, Real Madrid (Castilians) tried to reassert its authority over the nation.

The Spanish giants locked horns for the first time in 1929. The match, which rewrote the grammar of a sporting rivalry, was eyed as a clash of two nationalisms, as the clubs played not only for the 3 points but also for honor and pride. Immediately after the Spanish Civil war, the friction and intensity of the enmity reached astronomical heights and the Catalans gave vent to their feelings through the El Clasico.

NOU CAMP (BARCA)

SANTIAGO BERNABEU(REAL MADRID)

HEAD TO HEAD: (WINS) BARCA -59 REALMADRID - 68

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"For Catalans, who see themselves as a nation that has lost so much politically, economically, and socially, a win against Real Madrid is especially pleasurable” remarked Jordi Josep Salvador, a Spanish sports affairs specialist. For the Catalans, Barcelona FC is more than a club( mes que un club). The El Clasico has seen footballic poetry from the finest pairs of legs in soccer history… Johan Cruyff, Maradona, Alfred Di Stefano, Zinedine Zidane, Ronaldinho, Ronaldo and Figo.

In war, there is no prize for runner-up. Barca and Real Madrid know it and this classic rivalry has produced some captivating matches, a few controversies that has hogged headlines and also legendary footballers, thus placing it in a stratosphere far ahead of any other sporting rivalry. Both the clubs have always had several local players from Youth Academies, who grew up with El Clasico’s intense history imbued in their blood. They make sure the rest of the team doesn’t forget that a lot more is at stake than mere points. The crowd chants and inspires their home team vociferously (if there was a roof in the stadium, it would be blown off by the thunderous sound!) while remaining hostile and intimidating to the visiting team with loud booing and shrill whistling.

Alfred di Stefano (the Argentinean legend) was up for grabs in the mid 40s and both the clubs were involved in an intense race to sign him up. He eventually joined Real Madrid; a decision alleged to be influenced by political pressures which led the club to unprecedented glory in the following years. The real fireworks though fly when a player leaves one of the two Spanish giants and joins the other. Luis Figo of Portugal moved from Barca to Real Madrid and he was welcomed frostily at Nou Camp, Barca’s stadium, with suckling fried pig heads and the like. Every time he came close to the touchline, a flurry of missiles and libelous words rained from the stimulated crowd in the stands. The match was ferociously fought and Barca eventually triumphed 2-0.

Eighty years have passed, nearly 200 matches have been played, Fransesco Franco is six feet under pushing up daisies, Spanish Civil War is only a part of history books, but this fierce battle will continue, as it is more than a game to the Spaniards… Més Que Un Game!