The Dumb Desi Democrat!

My eyes widened as I stumbled across a very interesting ridicule-inviting article in TOI. Like Obelix pouncing on a wild boar, the parodist in me is all set to pounce on the person (who btw looks like a distant cousin of the wild boar!) highlighted in the article…

Rahul Gandhi, in his quest to strengthen the Congress at its grass root level, met a top actor in Tamil Nadu in a secret fashion. Secret enough that even 19 year olds who can’t expand UPA (United Party hmmm errr hmmm?) are taking blind potshots at the cloak and dagger meeting… Here goes another!

Though this was initially modeled on a common Sardarji, the goat of all national jokes, I felt I should move with the changing times and hence, the nxg laughing stock - the Indian Politician - Suresh Kammanaati, who is an opposition party member, and is trying to score as much brownie points as he can through this interview as the elections are around the corner…

Reporter– Sir, the Commonwealth games to be held in New Delhi is just a year away. And the very sluggish construction has resulted in the stadiums being only 25% constructed. Shouldn’t we have the stadiums ready by now?

SK - Immediately on seeing the schedule, I knew we would be in deep waters later on. I even
requested the Sports ministry to instead conduct games like chess, carom, pallanguli, Ko-ko, Mangaatha and kabbadi, which won’t require new stadiums! But the ruling party protested saying the athletes from other countries are not accustomed to such games. Whose side is the ruling party on? They care more about the foreign players who will be competing against our own countrymen! I sense a treachery here!

Reporter - Sir, the proposed Games Village is rumored to have inadequate restroom facilities, due to budget deficit. Is it true?

SK - Yes, it is true. Why do we think we named it as Games 'Village' ? Just like the old villages of the early 20th century, the athletes should attend to their nature's call out in the open only.

Reporter– Ugh! Whatever. Moving on. Despite having a population of over a billion, we are unable to produce world class athletes. What is your take on that?

SK – Do not blame my countrymen. They have been trained with games such as ko-ko, gilli danda, jallikattu and Kabbadi right from their child hood.

Reporter – (Interrupts by clearing his throat) – But sir, we should…

SK (Ignoring the reporter) - But the world, unnerved by our supremacy in these games, doesn’t include them in Olympics and other world championships. So, if the people of this state vote for my party and lead us to victory in the upcoming elections, I PROMISE I would take these desi games to the Olympics and make sure our participants return with not just their reimbursement bills but with a few medals!

Reporter- (Muttering swear words under his breath and masking it with a smile) – What does it take for India to win next year’s Commonwealth Championship?

SK – India shouldn’t invite Australia and England to next year’s championship. Possibly scare them off with swine flu threat or special screening of blue (even movie reviews were incomplete as movie reviewers left on their flight to India or we’ll bring ‘non-Whites’ movement back into the fore !

Reporter – Thank you for spending time with us. (Relieved, gets up and is about to leave).

SK – Hey wait, I need a few publicity stills, take a picture!

Reporter- Of course, how would I forget that? (Takes out his cam as Kammanaati strikes a pose)

SK – Wait. Does my blue shirt go well with the red tie?

Reporter – Doesn’t matter, sir. We will be publishing only a black and white picture 

SK – So?

What Levis, Nike and Calvin have in common!

People in urban areas are trying to catch on to the western wave by buying overpriced branded shirts in highly lit shining showrooms with grand draperies, even though half of the commodities are actually made in Asia.
Large retailers and multinational apparel companies have discovered a new lowcost method of advertising in shopping bags. They pay millions of dollars in advertising companies and dig deep into their treasury in the royal battle for celluloid space. And the chances of an average consumer flipping the channel when ads intervene is more than that of watching it patiently ( liril rexona are few of the exceptions ;) ). Understandably, shopping bags are with extra glitz and thickness these days helping all the companies and retailers to advertise free of cost.

For the people who are always short of ways to splash big bucks, for the people who want to show off their branded clothes/accessories (briefs too) and for the unfortunate guys with demanding girlfriends, there is an added advantage of going for branded items - The branded shopping bag (which is one of the few things that isnt duplicated in this country!) .

Imagine carrying some jeweller's yellow bag ( namma ooru manja pye) and walking through the portals of Citi Center? On a milder note, how about carrying a Poomukar vests and briefs name bearing shopping bag while walking down a street? Definitely not a great idea, unless maybe if you are the model for Poomukar briefs. People have become very brand conscious, right from what they buy to the shopping bags that they use for non buying purposes.

So, the next time you buy a shirt from a popular retailer, remember you are walking out with two proud possessions !

PADMA 'SIRI'

Cinema can either embrace pure entertainment or send across a social welfare message to the masses. No other industry in the world (as far as I know) has a breed of comedians who form an essential (not adjunct) part of at least 9 out of every 10 movies that hit the screens. And Kollywood has been embellished by full-fledged comedians for the past 6 decades.
Myriad reporters have taken innumerous potshots at Kollywood for producing baseless masala movies. But its not any star’s presence that makes such movies bearable. The only silver lining is the comedy track!

Madhuri Dixit and AIshwarya Rai are few of the undeserving winners of the fourth highest civilian honor, Padma Shri. Both the heroines have done only 1/10th of the number of movies that veteran actor Nagesh has acted in. Both just act out the script written by the director, unlike Nagesh!
Take Madhuri Dixit’s case. She was awarded the Padma SHri for presumably popularizing Indian dance while there are women who have dedicated their lives for dance, like Shobana! And moreover she was living in USA when the award was announced. Someone feed some sense into the Padma Shri awards nominating committee!
Aishwarya Rai , former Miss World has not won even a single national award for acting in her life! So the Padma Shri is arguably for her looks!

The government has always ignored and failed to acknowledge the unparalleled entertainment provided by the comedians of our nation. Nagesh and the rest truly deserve a Padma Shri. For Ash can stun people with her pretty looks and MAdhuri can mesmerize people with her dance, but it’s the rare breed of full-fledged comedians who can bring a smile to your face and have you in splitsJ !
This post is a tribute to a man who has enthralled the masses with his humorous acting on screen and later with subtle cameos in a number of movies.
You’ve made your fans do something that you’ve never done before… you made them shed tears for the first time (on your demise)… Fuck Padma Shri… May you rest in peace, Padma ‘Siri’ Nagesh…

THE WHITE TIGERS

“India may not have electricity or drinking water or proper roads or sewage system, but it certainly does have thousands of entrepreneurs, most in the field of technology where they have set up outsourcing companies that virtually run America. “ – Says Aravind Adiga in his book, The White Tiger.

India was on the verge of becoming the global H.Q of IT industry. B.E graduates kept changing their jobs – as often as nasty fights in the parliament – with higher paychecks and a plushier lifestyle. Night life was at its best and pubs were overflowing with working class youngsters. Indians working in outsourcing companies and call centers – a place where Ramasamys, Navins and Vimalas pretend to be Romarios, Nevilles and Victorias to their lazy American callers and make them understand that the monitor has to be plugged to the CPU for watching a movie! – were being paid well and most made it their permanent job.

But a series of unexpected financial disasters, with many banks and insurance companies claiming bankruptcy, led to an economic meltdown. This financial crisis is the worst ever recorded since the Great Depression. Economic Meltdown, Global recession, Pink Slips… Words and phrases of the business jargon have become household terms.

Delaying any salary hike and also reducing the salary caps; large-scale layoffs are the methods that companies have resorted to for battling the ongoing financial crisis. The pubs are nearly deserted, party-animals have reverted to their normal self and window-shoppers have outnumbered actual shoppers by a whopping margin in super-malls. And students have been hit hard by this economic recession. People who kept changing jobs at will are clinging on to their jobs desperately with fear pangs clouding over their job security (comparable to the insecure post of Pakistan Cricket coach!).

An even imminent danger that pundits envision is unemployment, a word that has lost its fame ever since the IT industry invaded our country. Images of Kollywood movies that thrived on the subject of unemployment juxtaposes in my mind as I try to visualize the ominous impending situation. The heroes of the 90s used to wear intensely sparking shiny shirts and baggy jeans. And they went around the city wooing a girl and finally winning her… A seemingly happy ending but the guy did not have any job to make a living! These scenes, which seemed obscure to me during the IT boom, are now gaining more relevance !

In these troubled times when such images, buried under the garbage heaped behind video shops in the form of video cassettes, come alive and haunt us, one word stands out as a solution… ENTREPRENEUR.An entrepreneur is someone who organizes a business venture and assumes the risk for it. Reading between the lines, the word risk is to be noted. 1/3rd of the entrepreneurs are lucky silver spooned morons*, who own companies that have been bequeathed by their fathers. While the rest – the rare breed – have had to grind hard and sweat it out to smell success. These self-made entrepreneurs are unperturbed by recessions and undisturbed by any financial crisis…shaken but not stirred. Man usually performs well in a nothing-else-to-lose situation and most of the self-made entrepreneurs, who have defied the Murphy’s Law and risen against the odds, are stellar examples of it.

Millions of college goers in our nation, after under-graduation, head for higher studies or take up a subservient job at an MNC. But very few students have treaded the road less travelled and become self-made entrepreneurs, scaling heights that other people can only dream of. And classifying them according to the states, there are effectively very few in each region which makes them a special one-in-a-million phenomenon… Like the few white tigers in a large tiger population!

The world is hot, flat and crowded. Thinking out of the box, however whacky it is, can turn out to be fruitful. If everyone in the world had taken up an ordinary nine-to-five**, i.e, without any new self-made entrepreneurs… you wouldn’t be using the PC or the iPod, had Steve Jobs and Bill Gates chosen to take up normal jobs; had Evan Williams not launched Pyra Labs, you wouldn’t even be reading this blog !

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*An expletive for those lucky morons coz my dad doesn’t own a company** With call centers and BPOs, the phrase ‘nine-to-five’ is no longer very relevant!

A Glitch in God's creation

Couldn't sleep peacefully even for a second on my way back to Chennai...
COurtesy : The guy in the lower berth, exercising man's disgraceful doggone habit, louder than the train itself...

SNORING

Blame it on the Warlords !

During the controversial Indias tour down under, when Rohit and Ishant Sharma were chasing the ball off a delicate coverdrive by Gilly, the non-Indian commentator asked Harsha Bhogle seriously if Rohit and Ishant were brothers !

Well, my knack of writing on weird topics, coupled by the mounting pressure on me regarding the upcoming semester exams is probably the reason why am writing on this.

Digging up the monarchical history books of India, one finds that not just the kingdom but king's name is inherited by their successor. The idea of Chandragupta VI is not that fascinating especially for 10th graders, who are flustered by the Roman Numerals and finally ending up writing Maurya the V 's mom as Maurya III 's wife. Not a big deal of concern for us but Maurya IV will definitely mind !
West is infested with the same problem, right from Queen Elizabeth to Louis (roman numeral)...

The Indian emperors, apart from being good samaritans n skilled warlords, were efficient practitioners of polygamy, or infact epitomizing the term ! The royal bloodline itself accounting for a mini empire within an empire, withe everyone sharing the same second name is maybe the reason for the daunting no. of people having the same second name in North India...

So back to the wise commentators, if everyone having Sharma as a second name are brothers, then Ishant (no offense) has easily thousands of brothers and not even the most raunchy pervert of a polygamist dad can ever account for it !

For all such foreigners who share the same perspective that India is a land of Mukherjee,Sharma,Chopra,Singh,Patels,Khan and the rest, welcome...
Take a look at the MP list of the ruling party, and the country's coveted celebrities, am afraid you ll draw absurd conclusions. Rani,Tanisha and Pranab ?
Parthiv Patel, son of the first citizen?
JP yadav...You one among Laloo's wards
IF chopras are all related, Nikhil the offspinner shouldve starred in OSO's songs alongside 'family'.
If Singhs are related,then, Buck hunter,Chain Smoker,Bebo man are all brothers.
Btw,Youngistan woudlve starred Yuvraj Singh or Mahendra Singh had it come a months earlier?
Rahul...Sonia...Mahatma ? Please !

Did we doubt whether Dan Brown and Gordon Brown are related ?
And if all Hussains are related, then Nasser should be behind bars now.
Why was Demi 'Moore' never a Bond girl ?
Cameron Diaz, lone survivor in the bloodline of explorer Barthelome Diaz?
Why is Tottenham's defender King not resorting to peace?
Sinima Pongolle of Liverpool has South Indian origin?

Finally, Subadesh kanna and Twinkle Khanna couple ? ;)

Arasiyal la ithellam sagajamappa !!

Historic Judgement...The 24*7 news channels kept screaming and yabbering all day. The Supreme Court had upheld 27% OBC quota reservation policy. But the deserving having to give way for the reserved is downright deplorable.Talking of equality, quality is forgtten and the auxilliary aspect is that equality doesnt form the crux of this decision. Lok Sabha Polls nearing, all political parties will be trying to propagate this agenda, showcasing their apparent support the verdict.

What is s historic about this? One that could be in contention for the most stunning blunders made by the SC?

And the creamy layer will consist of wards of politicians,engineers,doctors,filmstars,defense personnel,someone who owns a cmpany and a family income of 2.5 lakh plus!
Well, the number of OBC candidates who dont fit into the above mentioned category will be brutally low. The IIMs will probably decide on increasing the no. of seats thus facilitating the new OBC non-creamy layer candidates.

Reservation has crept into almost all fields in the country,diluting quality in the name of equality. The conducive environment of IIMs,which has produced world class professionals has been the ultimate dream of many MBA aspirants form all corners of the country but all their efforts and efficiency and performance is going to be sidelined by the reservation policy.

Imagine a cricket team, where the starting 11 has to be chosen keeping in mind the reservation policy ! Laxman,Dravid,Sachin and Sourav are all of the FC class. And the rest of the INdian batsmen from BC earn well over 2.5 lakhs a month !
Or the Indian football team, already in shambles getting pricked by reservation problem.
Or a bollywood movie plagued by reservation policy... They will have to rope in a troupe from Paruthiveeran to satisfy the rules.

The country should be providing the under privileged all the necessary ammunition for excelling in all quarters and try levelling the playing field, rather than inflicting absolutely insane ideas into the spotless infrastructure of the IIMs and IITs.

When the TN govt announced the scrapping of entrance exams to level the playing field, I had wanted the Central Govt to interfere and rubbish the action. The SC wasnt too supportive of the proposition but finally gave its consent. I appreciated the fact that the Central Government is atleast not fully inclined to the policy of TN.

But now, the enactment of 27% policy by the Supreme Court and the way all National parties have voiced their assent towards it in unison just makes us say...

Arasiyala ithellam saadaranamappa !

After all it is the same old lousy politics...

BUZZ !!

X - Hiii... Wassup?
Y - Nm u shud oly tel me

Everyone who knows how to use a computer ( which implies IMs and Mozilla) would've come across the above conversation. Stupidity, but noone admits nor cares.Absurdness, it will seem like for someone new to the IM world,and a perfect example of a normal start to a conversation for a seasoned IM user.

The usual pre-signing out msg is cya,tc,gn,sd.
Why is that 'take care' for when everyone knows you are going to enjoy a peaceful sleep and that there are no harmful microbes lying undercover under your bedcovers or a cold blooded assassin waiting to stab you from inside the closet.
Goodnight and sweet dreams... Warmly and hearty wishes but the invconvenient truth is that noone means it.

Wassup ? Well that question cannot have answers as people take to chatting when they are bored or nothing to do or not bothered to work. So, a nothing much will evidently be the answer and you already know that. Though perplexing, nothing much is the phrase over which several hours of animated conversations are curiously built upon.
Answers like ceiling or sky... Doh, please grow up !

People with busy,in a meeting and be right back display titles(whether true or not), you could do without them. Or add " in'x' mins " to the phrase to serve some purpose.
Emoticons is another such topic.Its however true that statements and info that can't be exchanged over the phone or in reality, can be done without any discomfort or hesitation. You can always something controversial and if the reciever is enraged at it, you can add up with ;) just kiddin

The other day, while finding time to talk over the phone to a friend, I was narrating animatedly about some rumours on the round about me in my college.
Instead of making ahem ahem sound by modulating the voice, my friend actually said "ahem ahem" !

And least but still the last, certain people, in the objective of enlivening the conversation, suffix normal words with respective characters like
Hiiiiiiiiiii ; what ???????????????????????? ; oieeeeeeeee ; byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Imagine everyone talking or behaving the way they chat on IMessengers with wassup, lol, rotfl,BUZZ !! and by the time you finish byeeeeeeeeeeee, the intended recipient will be miles away. And you can never have two IM windows on, chatting simultaneously. Greeting one friend who had just come online with "heyy! long time since we chatted :( " while in the other window bitching, " god, the boring idiot online now". When someone cracks out a joke, try rolling on the floor laughing ( rotfl) or give a :D when someone ridicules you or give a :P while snapping at your friend or try saying you look bad followed by ;) to your latest crush....


Thinking about all this.... LOL !

2008 - Mundane to miraculous ...

2008, the 57 events that I expect or atleast dream about...
Even numbered points are almost improbable ;)

1. Australian cricekt team realizes the existence of failure
   
2. The Fab Four ( Sachin,Dada,Dravid and Lax) live upto the expectations
   
3. BCCI works unbiased and doesnt involve politics in Cricket
   
4. Sharukh Khan rejects atleast one endorsement offer and watches cricket matches at home
   
5. Kalaignar TV does some some show originally
   
6. Shilpa Shetty is kissed by Arnold or Rooney
   
7. The deserving C.Ronaldo bags FIFA world player of the year
   
8. Expecting atleast 2-3 hindi movies with only ONE hero in it
   
9. When atleast one Indian football player(or anyother sport other than Cric and Sania) gets an endorsement!
   
10. Sania should(nt) shrink her dress even more
    
11. Harris scores original music
    
12. Maldini retires
    
13. Someone explains me why golf is so popular !!
    
14. Dhoom3 shouldnt be directed
    
15. Amitabh stars in less than 50% of the no. of Hindi movies the whole year
    
16. Bheema should be released finally
    
17. Vijay doesnt do a remake!
    
18. AR does more Tamil albums
    
19. Narain enters F1 and gets to the podium atleast once
    
20. Ponting averages less than 45
    
21. England soccer team doesnt sack another coach
    
22. Sehwag sheds some weight and god knows why why he s in the squad
    
23. Pak coach Geoff Lawson manages to be alive when the year ends
    
24. Beckham popularises soccer in USA rather than scouting for a good Hollywood script
    
25. Venkatesh (telugu star) starts a party
    
26. Mani Ratnam gives a hit after a loooong time
    
27. Dollar equivalent goes below 35
    
28. Rajini Kanth announces his 'last' movie and means it
    
29. USA withdraws its troops from Iraq
    
30. International squash or football matches in India draw crowds ( with priced tickets ! )
    
31. Board Exams should end without any confusion over entrance exams
    
32. Osama Bin laden is captured, but he is so audacious that he released his picture in 2007!
    
33. Reservation policy shouldnt be implicated in IITs and imagine a cricket team or a movie with such a policy !
34. Kabaddi,Carrom and chess should be included in Olympics
    
35. Shane Warne or Steve Waugh act in some Bollywood movie
    
36. Jadeja talks of a comeback
    
37. Some friend of you doesnt have an orkut account
    
38. An indigenous tamilian stars as a heroine opposite an established actor
    
39. Asafa Powell isnt charged with indulging in drugs, following suit Jones and Gatlin
    
40. Someone ignorant of INdian cinema believes that Vijay Kanth is a hero
    
41. Roman Abrahomovich goes bankrupt
    
42. North Indians chicks acting in Tamil movies,talk other than those 3 words - konjam konjam therium in Tamil
    
43. Majority of NRI ( non returning Indians ) return to India
    
44. Shahid and kareena, Simbhu and nayantara ( now that shes ravishingly good), Salman and Katrina, paes and Mahesh rejoin, as magazines are running aout of ssips
    
45. Reliance doesnt invlove in manufacturing of Electronic goods ( atheyavuthu vittu vainga! )
    
46. Reliance,Aditya Birla and Tata bequeath half their property to the Indian Govt.
    
47. Vijay Mallya turns his attention towards Indian football, as he owns East Bengal club, rather than kingfisher calendar hotties
    
48. MJ opens a new SCHOOL ( you know why! ) and some git enrolls his son there!
    
49. Pakistan stops worrying about Kashmir when their own land is going out of control
    
50. No. of new Engg colleges constructed should be less than five.
    
51. Federer fails to win all the four Grand Slams ( yup, am a sampras fan)
    
52. IPL invites Kapil Dev for the opening ceremony
    
53. No email between Kirsten and Dhoni should be leaked
    
54. JK writes "HArry Potter returns", after being pressurized the same way as Doyle
    
55. Students see life beyond the IT industry
    
56. OMR should be fully constructed
    

And the last one

57. Hindu collaborates with Playboy ;)

Poltics? nah...Spoiltics

As I was enjoying a calm peaceful non-multiplexy Sunday afternoon in my room ( its the last thing i would resort to on any given day, but provided the distance of chennai from my hostel, i have so less better things to do ) , listening to Ilayaraja's old goodies and reading this week's edition of THE WEEK, i was startled by one article in an otherwise ordinary compendium of usual stuff.



The news that caught my eye and even instigated me to write a blog on this is that Tollywood Mega Star Chiranjeevi is to start a not yet christened political party following the footsteps of NTR and MGR.( wonder when Arjun starts one and why rajkumar(kannada) dint start one).



He commands a strong fan following in Andhra state and even considered as the most versatile talented actor Tollywood has ever produced. Brand ambassador of Thumbs up, a winner of seven filmfare awards and also a recepient of Padma Bushan award but he has gotten into politics at the peak of his career. He has pledged and sworn to his heart to fightfor the rights of under privileged ( just as every other politician does...man chiru is a quick learner! .....evalo peru kelambirukeenga?) .


With Brett Lee acting in a bollywood movie, Navjot 'sixer' Sidhu in politics, politicians taking center stage in T20 felicitation (much to the fans wrath) , Chiranjeevi starting a party doesnt sound that strange (thank god Modi or Laloo isnt starring as a villain in some telugu movie! ) And also numerous other such instances like Shahrukh - BCCI rift, Ganguly - Nagma, Dhoni - Deepika affair ( yuvi will make a third dimension to this;) ) , the list just never terminates...


Politics, Sports and Cinema .. the BIG three have become interwoven and highly mutually symbioitic lately.


Guess am drifting away....lets get back to Mega Star


Chiru is easily the second most popular and famous person in S.Indian Film industry, a darling of the masses, who demands astronomical figures for every movie and endorsements. So, he will obviously be in strong contention for the the hot seat as he has both money and popularity.(without these two, anybody eyeing on politics will end up with zilch....aapu thaan) Having said this, you must have guessed the storyline of his next flick (ya he should be visiting captain vijaykanth more often!)


Chiru's movies(just as any other " star" movie) usually cast him as a good guy fighting bad and finally rising to the top ( and of course he falls in love with the villain's daughter...vera ponne kidaikalaya?) which assures him support from villagers. And with his charismatic character he ll certainly fetch votes from million others.


When i contemplate on this whole scenario, i get an insight that something is amiss. Towards politics, i have a devil may care attitude but people electing someone to become the topdog of the state just because he is the most adored actor isnt right.They can be used for campaigning. Chiru may turn out to be a good activist and idealist after all, and i may appear to be over-sceptical over this....BUT this isnt mere cinema, where you can always go for a retake when it goes wrong, this is cold blooded politics, the lifeline of the country and people, no fake artistes to depend on, beat the heat or just say quits...


Polticians and especially CMs should have a lot more than just stardom and a hundred diamond jubilee flicks under the belt


Everything said,i'll finish off this in a nutshell...to CHiru and his contemporaries aspiring for a hotseat in politics... THUMBS DOWN



Well, as long as the BIG three bump into each other prominently, it gives the media some stuff to milk on or create polls and exclusive programs.It gives gossipmongers a new topic to dissipate time and helps countless people battling boredom....just like ME ;)

TAKE A LOOK AT THE VIDEO BELOW...damn funny one...


How about these videos and posters for campaigning??