HINDI NAHI MALOOM

It can all be traced back to 1965 - the year Hindi was chosen as our official language. Although the move was welcomed in most of the states, South India (esp. Tamil Nadu) was agitated and Hindi has never been a compulsory part of the state’s curriculum. Its serious repercussions include Kozhikode being perpetually pronounced erroneously as Kozy-kode by North Indians and not as Koli-kode; Chemicals & Fertilizers Union Minister's inability to attend parliament sessions; T. Rajendran’s missed opportunity in becoming a Bollywood superstar; talented L. Sivaramakrishnan’s ouster from Indian team; Houseful 2 not raking in some moolah down south(bright side this one) and unavailability of Vada Pav in Saravana Bhavan. 
Add to this list, the surprise waiting in store for those who move to North India (anything above Karnataka and A.P is North in the eyes of a Southerner! And no, all southpaws don’t qualify as South Indians. its just a term) for higher studies.

Just for the record, L. Sivaramarkrishnan’s career Test bowling average was 45 and Chem & Ferti Union Minister cannot understand English either :P

Let’s classify the Southerners who end up in North India as students (our subjects)

Type A: The Traitors

These are the fellow Southerners, who look, talk, walk, hate Pav Bhaji for breakfast – just like our subject in case. But, after the cursory introduction in their language on the first day, just when our subject feels good about the fact that there are many others like him, this Type A specimen proceeds to the other side and talks flawless Hindi!
Et tu, Brute?      Tu Ek Brute?

These traitors know Hindi by virtue of being either the sons of people who get transferred occasionally at work or being die-hard female fans of Bollywood since DDLJ and SRK happened. And these traitors are also the reason why our subject never seriously bothers learning Hindi as they more or less around always which reduces the necessity to learn the language immediately.

Type B: The Half baked

The group, which by virtue of having had a Northie as a roomie in UG/friend in the neighborhood or having learnt half-baked Hindi in their junior school, knows Hindi to an extent. They can barely manage to read/write and can understand minimally. For the purpose of proving their superiority to Type C and ability to Type A, this group tries real hard in being good at conversational Hindi. Words like ‘bakwaas’, ‘aaramsay’, ‘masti’ are used at every instance possible, excessively and fake smiles & laughs are their cup of tea. Frequent humming of the songs "Kuch Kuch Hota Hai" and "Koyi Kahe" are other symptoms.

Type C: Nanben da!

Just when our subject feels disappointed over the fortunes of Types A & B, he sees someone a few yards away, who gives a contrived laugh (like Rajnikanth in Padikaathavan’s “Yes Yes Thankyou” scene) a few seconds after the group around him erupts into laughter over a Hindi joke. With unparalleled joy, our subject runs to his side, grins and says “Nanbaen da!”

IN THE EYES OF AN AVERAGE SOUTHIE (CREDITS TO MY MS PAINT EXPERTISE)

Once our subjects decide to start learning Hindi, they try watching more of Bollywood and listening to Himesh’s nasal nuisance. “Hindi in 30 days” is also experimented with. In the initial phase, they start using words like the oft-used C***iya or B***n-c****h, which they  can’t really relate to and end up sounding like that wanna-be cool dude who tries to use the F-word but never effectively does so. But on the flipside, our subjects get to use a variety of expletives (in their native language) on whoever they want, whenever they feel like. They can shout across secrets in class with fellow Type C specimens and even plan to plant a bomb in the classroom as none of the Northies will ever comprehend what’s being talked about unless of course words like BOOM and BUSSSHHHH are used!

Meanwhile, they constantly get fooled and ridiculed by auto-walas and shop-keepers who can make out our subjects don’t know Hindi by the way they deploy ‘bhaiyya’ in every sentence. On top of all this, professors start making Hindi jokes which they can’t begin to understand and during parties, they have to shake a leg to a flurry of just Hindi songs barring  of course Ringa Ringa and Apdipodu.

By the time our subjects cautiously begin constructing sentences, they run into gender differentiating problems, which leads to “Kaise kar raha hai sexy?” (How you doin’?) while flirting with North Indian chicks. And that is why we don’t see or hear many love tales of our subjects and North Indian chicks. But someday, they will master Hindi and get even with Chetan Baghat’s act of stealing one of their own pretty South Indian girls (Remember Two States).

As the famous Renaissance Era poet Sheikh-Speare once tweeted about #raguthaatha,

Hope they learn Hindi soon & remove its ignorance gloom,

But until then, they’ll always have “Hindi Nahi Maloom”

The Ad Hatter

For an Ad-making competition :)

The New-age Se7en Deadly Sins

Groan, we did when Amitabh was reduced to a mere angry puppet in the Sholay remake. Sigh, we did when Rajni's yesteryear blockbuster Maapillai was remade and released to empty seats. Timeless classics have been put to shame by their new-age versions. But with utmost respect to David Fincher's serial killer-thriller Se7en, I present to you, my list of Se7en victims :D

7. GLUTTONY

Popeye, for all the spinach he gulped down in the name of winning over a lame languished skinny chick, Olive Oyl. In the 1930s, during the economic depression, the children of America looked up to Popeye as a hero and consumed a lot of spinach causing chocolate and ice cream vendors to look for alternative jobs. Maybe Al Capone was one of them! Ok Popeye can be pardoned on this account, as without Al Capone, we wouldn't have been fortunate to see Godfather and in turn a Nayagan. Ok, so what is it about Olive that Popeye was so smitten? Or was his one eyed vision leading to a 2-D view? We'll never know. But for misleading children towards skinny looks and spinach lust, Popeye will be punished.

Kareena would be shocked to know the origins of Size-Zero!

6. GREED

The DMK, for looting more than they could hide! Looting 400-500 crores for the sake of election bribery expenses is pardonable. But 176,000 crores :O What can the party possibly do with somuch money. Endhiran was a smart move, but it cost only 150 crores, which amounts to less than 0.1 % ! This target is tricky though. The party's leader, the mastermind of all the scandals in this part of the country is rumored to be dead :P . He shies away from almost all public gatherings n interviews. Maybe for political leverage, they are moving him around in a wheel chair even though he is dead !

While the party's leader is famous for Black-Money looting, a similar guy - Stephen Hawking - is popular for Black-Hole mooting.

5. SLOTH

Samaraweera, the much celebrated Srilankan middle-order batsman is my favorite bunny for insulting. With a healthy test average of 55 and a dozen centuries to his name, why him ? His batting average in Lankan, Bangladeshi and Pakistani roads (read pitch) stands at a towering 65, 90 and 55. Nothing wrong yet right ? In Indian, Australian, South African and English grounds, it is less than 25 each! This coupled with a strike rate just above 45. And the ICC executive committee is racking its brain wondering why Test cricket is not sought after much these days. Forget the Pink ball D/N Test cricket implementation. Just give Samaraweera the pink slip!

Thanks to Samaraweera, Golf seems interesting !

4. LUST

Charlie Sheen/ Charlie Harper, best known for Two and a Half Men and Wall Street. We've seen and heard of bad ass casanovas and philanderers on screen and in real life. But no one has ever ended up hospitalized after a night of debauchery with booze and two lassies ! To be a drunken womanizer is one thing. But getting hospitalized is like getting into a depression as a result of merry laughing! Phew. He defeats his contenders, hands down ( no pun intended! ) .

Well, some might argue that he should figure in the ENVIED list. Sigh. No, I mean, dammit. He deserves only this!

3. PRIDE

Mr. Arun Lal, the TV host / commentator who claims to have played for India centuries ago. His famous cricketing insights like "the key to win the match is to excel in 3 depts : bat, bowl n field" are popular among satirists. Unlike him, I hate to rave on incessantly to make an obvious point. In short, nobody likes him.

Mandira Bedi - Another TV host with the same cricketing acumen but

then, nobody complains :D

2. ENVY

The hapless villains of Indian Cinema will have to be punished for their excessive envy of the movie heroes. How many times have we watched a Villain scream and swear in fury (though he has the hero at gunpoint) and hence giving the hero enough time to wriggle out of the situation? How many times have we seen the villain gang members take on the besieged hero one by one and getting drop-kicked n punched though they could've taken him down together ? How many times have we seen the villain terrorists misfiring an entire round of bullets at the hero in close range but getting fatally head-shot by the hero's first attempt?

1. WRATH

The Roulette wheel at Anna University's paper correction center.

CROLLYWOOD

Lalit Modi, the wedding priest : Do you, IPL, take H(B)ollywood, to be your lawfully wedded partner?

Yes. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for more PR, for more money, to love and to cherish 'till match-fixing do us part.

CRicket + hOLLYWOOD = CROLLYWOOD

DHARAMSALA, THE L.A of CROLLYWOOD

RCB’s PIRATE OF THE CARIBBEAN

Chris Gayle landed the lead role of this franchise, as the cool Captain Kingfisher who is an unrelenting scoundrel showing absolutely no mercy on enemies and also gulps down bottles of Whyte n Mackay's rum frequently. Deepika Padukone and Siddarth Mallya as Elizabeth and Will Turner keep making out for no reason after every victory over a pirate ship, which was achieved single-handedly by Captain Kingfisher. Despite faring well at the box-office, this movie lost out to 12 Hungry Men, starring Dhoni in the race for FairPLAY and the Best Picture Oscar. Ironically, the FairPLAY Oscar award was sponsored by Vijay Mallya which made the season's results a bitter pill to swallow :D

P.S : They also proved Ghilli’s Vijay right by losing in the semis and still making it to the finals :D

KTK’s PAC-Man

Despite being warned, KTK went ahead and shot the second most costly movie of the year, PAC-man. As most of the Comic Book superheros like Batman, Superman, Spider Man, X-Men etc. have been turned into billion dollar movie franchises, KTK had to choose a new popular hero. And they zeroed in on PAC-Man, without realizing what it actually was. The movie bombed at the box-office. Period.

AT LEAST THIS SUPERHERO HAS 3 LIVES !

DD’s American AUSTRALIAN BEAUTY

Despite having a lot of fair skinned second grade Australian actors, Sehwag was miffed about not getting the FAIRplay Oscar.

If there is ever a FAIRplay award, we know who deserves it best! Oh and ya, the gay award too.

RR's WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS… happens here too

The title says it all. Warne drinks, plays poker and argues bitterly with bouncer dude Dixit.

MI’s PSYCHO

In this thriller, the world’s favorite Sachin Tendulkar plays the protagonist who suffers from multiple personality disorder (MPD). After an excellent first half, where he essays his role to the T, he makes fatal mistakes when it comes to making decisions. This, later on, is revealed to be due to chronic MPD. Symonds, ageing and weak, plays the role of his mother. Suman and Satish are unnecessary characters absolutely irrelevant to the script. Pollard, who plays the detective in the movie, crazily sledges, sneers and gives threatening looks to guys who actually beat HIM up! Ask Watson. Due to this uncharacteristic behavior, Psycho came nowhere near to lifting the FairPLAY Oscar.

The locks, the age and the face shape - Andrew Symonds!

Photo Credits : Harbhajan :D

KXIP’s ROCKY

Part one, strictly.

KKR’s S(H)TUTTER ISLAND

The movie initially shows how KKR reaches the knockout stage of IPL. The rest of the movie is a figment of Gautam Di Captaino’s hallucination, where he imagines his team winning the IPL trophy thanks to a fiery match-winning last over by a yellow clad bowler Jabail. Gautam’s vision blurs while celebrating the victory and he collapses to the ground. Upon waking up, doctors reveal to him that his team has been knocked out of the tournament. He searches frantically for Jabail, his champion bowler. TO his shock, he realizes that Jabail is actually an anagram for Balaji and his team jersey’s color was blue and gold. Not yellow. He is then taken to a place for rehab, which explains his absence in the squad to the next tour to West Indies.

CSK’s 12 Angry Hungry Men

Having won the Best Picture Oscar last year, CSK Productions was written off by the critics as never once in history has the ‘same production house/same director/same hero’ combination won the Best Picture Oscar twice in a row. People’s poll agreed with the critics. Everything seemed to be against them, but for the jury consisting of 12** Hungry men; hungry for one more title and also the popular South Indian Saravana bhavan sambhar vada. When the 10 members of the cast were crestfallen at the seemingly right verdict of both critics n people, MS Dhoni ( Juror #8) makes the cast believe in themselves, brings the best out of even average actors like Jakati and finally turns the tide in favor of them. 12 Hungry Men astonishingly won both the Best Picture Award and the FairPLAY award J

**Juror #12 is N. Srinivasan. Why him ? His posts of responsibility says it all.

BCCI(owns IPL) secretary and CSK owner :D

Fakebook

Tamil Nadu's ammas have traditionally relied heavily on a white lie : Poochandi to get their small kids to eat. Much like their American counterparts using Boogeyman; African counterparts using Adebayor; North Indian moms threatening to make their kids watch Akshay Kumar's movies all day. No matter how they look, most of these guys have never actually harmed kids in fact or fiction. But there's one guy, who even after mercilessly leading scores of children to oblivion remains a popular hero.

Well, I've created this fake wall using this link : myfakewall.

Craptoons

I still remember those art classes in junior school where we were instructed to draw the usual sun-mountain-sky-lake-crows picture. I've always sucked at drawing, even drawing stick figures is a complex task to me. The only sensation I ever created during those long afternoon drawing sessions was the day when we had to draw a theater or a park. I drew a theater neatly, wrote some Vijay movie's name on the building's facade and impishly drew a few crows circling the empty queue line. The guy near me, an ardent Vijay fan borrowed the idea for his theater's Ajith movie. This small joke snowballed into one heated argument, which progressed into a fist-fight and my art 'miss' had to intervene :D

Since then, I've grown taller, studied zoology (drawing frog's excretory system wasn't really exciting) and passed the engineering graphics subject. But still I can't draw a human who looks at least half-human.

I came across this cartoon making website website: Toondo . This is a collection of cartoons I created using the website.

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WHINE & DINE

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FREEK

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SLEEP WEEP

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OUTDOOR

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Save IPL, Mr. Obama!

To

Mr. Obama**,

White House, Amerikka.

I have drafted a proposition to the IPL Executive Committee. But most of them are either in exile or imprisoned. You see Mr. Obama, I am another one of those Indian middle class men having a nine-to-five job. (with traffic, seven-to-seven). After a hard day’s work, I return home expecting cricket or a sensational report about a scam. And for the last 3 years, Mr. Lalit Modi has provided more than just smatterings of both. But ever since he was ousted from the IPL proceedings, new innovations like advertising DLF 6s, Maxx mobile time outs & ads between deliveries have dried up. It has to be rejuvenated with radical changes. Henceforth, I’m writing this.

I hear you were nominated as the T.I.M.E person of the year, months before you were sworn in as the president. Hope is an over-rated word in USA (which explains Shawshank Redemption at the top of IMDB top 250 and your campaign success). Big appataker, I hear, you are. You were quite a sensation even in India during Presidential elections. Some among us even wanted to vote for you and staged a protest demanding the rights for the same. You seem to be coming often to India to dance in schools like this. After you are done with the dancing, put in a word through Dr. Manmohan Singh or directly:P to Sonia Gandhi to consider this letter and make the changes.

1. With the average match total gradually decreasing over the years, 6s & 4s are also suffering the same decline. And the cheerleaders get to rest their muscles for most part of the game. Mallya hates to see young talent going to waste. So, the cheerleaders will dance for every single taken and every dot ball. Boundaries and 6s will anyway be cheered by the crowd and DLF advertisers(read commentators).

2. The ‘kicha’ option can be availed if a star batsman gets out early. Who would not love to see Sachin being handed a second life(that too with Pakistanis not around!) at the expense of Satish?

3. The first ball of the match can be recklessly belted to any part of the ground, treating it as a free hit. If the batsman is dismissed, he can call it ‘trials’ with a grin. (Sehwag will like this license)

4. Sharad Pawar, Srinivasan, Chiefministers, Srikkanth, again Sharad Pawar, Chirayu, Sunil Shetty, previously Modi, that Sachin fan with a sangu.. All these guys are shown several times over the course of the game, which in the interest of the general public, should be stopped. Mallya is an exception, as Deepika/Katrina are in the same frame as him :D . The cameramen should be instructed to instead hunt down hot females in the stadium.

5. Players with a poor history and reputation of sitting sixes and trying to bat out the entire the innings without risks will have to face a harsh rule : one pitch catch! Direct catches are ruled out for them. For the other big hitters, the rules are the same. Kallis, ipo enna pannuva :P ?

6. If Deccan Chargers are playing at home (win% zero!), then the winner will automatically be the team whose captain wins the toss. Come on DC, 50-50 is better than 0-100!

7. If a player hits a DLF (previously called a SIX) , then it will be treated like a modified home run. The batsmen can keep running between the wickets until a spectator throws the ball back into the field. Home advantage it is, with the crowd actually being the 12th member of the team. Unless the visiting team occupies the midwicket part of the stadium, Dhoni will be running a fragmented marathon at leisure :D

8. L. Sivaramakrishnan and Arun Lal will be officially ousted from everything concerning cricket: Commentary box, Field, Extraaa Innings, Newspapers, Advertisements & Radios. We don’t want “Sehwag scores his first boundary and interestingly it is the first boundary for the Indians!” or “To win this match, Indians need to do well in just three departments : batting, bowling and fielding”.

9. Duckworth-Lewis method will be dropped. Instead, baseball like super over will be played under rain. Seriously, a better choice than the one those two English gentlemen came up with. You don’t trust me? Ask Southafrica.

10. Preity Zinta and Shilpa Shetty will not be interviewed at any cost. We don't want a "Lalit Modi is the brainchild of IPL" from Shilpa or the puzzled look on Preity Zinta's face when a batsman gives a catch to a fielder during a free hit and doesn't walk to the pavilion.

11. Reservation policy is not being followed in the IPL. All IIMs and IITs are wise enough to let in people from various societal strata and compromise on quality. Why can’t IPL follow suit? Equality is more important than quality. Bring in SC, ST, MBC, BC, AD etc. To add to the chaos, bring in women reservation bill and let everyone have a ball, literally.

Yours sincerely,

Johnakiraman Doerasamy

** - why hasn’t Amerikka given you an honorary Dr. title yet? Come to India, we’ll give you 2 :)

Indian Superhero, where art thou?

When Dhoni hit an off-side six in the WC final, we were reassured of a seamless (note the wordplay:D) Indian victory. Mitchell, Malinga, Anderson and Steyn are all terrific bowlers in every other part of the cricketing world. But not the sub-continent. The fiery pace, frightening run-up, magical swing and breakneck bounce are reduced to ordinary predictable deliveries. The fearsome bowlers just can't adapt to the conditions in India.

Another group, far distanced from cricket, which suffers the same fate as the fast bowlers is the Superheroes regiment. No matter how many lives they save comfortably in the US, the idea of superheroes in India is just not feasible and cool ( no, zoo zoos don't count:) ).. Here's why :)

Invisibility is an interesting prospect with many perverted advantages, but since we Indians crave for attention and popularity, our superhero cannot strike an invisible pose to all the shutterbugs (after all, we live in a country where Sreeshanth posed with the Worldcup trophy)! Neither will the people be interested in a newspaper article reading Invisible Man Saves our Town, with a blank space where the superhero's grinning face should’ve been. Imagine Chennai Times’ plight without pictures!

Any ordinary guy needs to be extremely careful and agile while crossing the roads as drivers in our country are rash and selectively blind to signals. To add to the misery, invisibility! One wrong step and our hero would be 'pulp' fiction.

Super strength… With a pumped up body of steel, handling delicate stuff might get difficult. True that super power attracts women but with such bestial powers, holding hands with any girl will only make her writhe in pain and a tight hug is enough to squash her from an amorous to an amorphous state!

Time Travel… Who will not love to go back in time and kill Raja Ram Mohan Roy, not for eradicating child marriage, but for illegalizing polygamy. Anyone who has read his 10th grade history book right will know about his social reforms. But digging deep, what the history books fail to tell us is the fact that Mr. Raja Ram Mohan Roy, “the greatest Indian social reformer” who abolished polygamy and child marriage, had three wives. It is like Sreeshanth asking Zaheer not to bowl loose deliveries! But with the increasing male to female ratio, he cannot be deemed as pure evil.

Mind Reading… For all the eavesdropping Toms, mind reading ability might be irresistible. For the cops, to understand the evil schemes of suspects and to understand the thought process of terrorists while interrogating. But imagine walking into T.Nagar with mind reading capability. Within seconds, our superhero's mind will be flooded with all the crabbing, complaining and cursing gibberish- from the out of bounds super hot next door woman to the hike in gasoline price!

Spidey! Jumping buildings with web slinging & sticky fingers and fighting the thugs in sewers is what this super power is all about. With open man-holes and littered roads/pavements to be taken care of, the Corporation won't like the idea of a supposed superhero leaving behind sticky spider webs all over the city. After clobbering the villain's henchmen and Arjun-movie's-terrorists, he can have trysts with his ladylove in dark alleys or in roads (street lights don't work anyway) but will the stench of the sewer and sweat that he is likely to carry not turn her off?

Outfit... Wearing figure-hugging outfits in the tropical region during summer is not a great idea unless soaking in sweat can be handled. And flashy costumes like what Superman or Flash wear will be sneered at in this country, no matter who you are. Remember, the curious case of a certain Mr.Ramarajan ? (who, I hear, has the superpower of humming 'Shenbagame' to obtain dairy products)

Also, the gadgets that superheroes possess require materials of the highest quality. To maintain their secret identities, those can be bought only at black markets like Burma Bazaar. And we all know how China products work :D

Here's a snapshot of how the Indian superhero will look like, adapted to the Indian conditions. Credits to MS Paint

The Al Gore Theory of Madurai

With a sudden spate of rustic gory movies based on characters & incidents in Madurai hitting the screens more often than the American Pie series, there are a few misconceptions about Madurai that have to be refuted.

Though kollywood tinsel town may portray us as wearing gross dubai-la-poda-vendiyatha-inga-yen-podra clothes, we were pioneers in fashion. In fact, we introduced pattapattis which were later remodeled and circulated as boxers all over the world !

Motorcades of Tata Sumos, with ruffians brandishing their aruvaals and clinging on to the vehicles, is a myth. We have progressed to snipers for avoiding a need to travel a long distance in cars for slaying people. Hence, reducing fuel consumption and global warming. We've interpreted 'All Gore' from an entirely different perspective :D

We may lack a KFC eatery, but an average person laps up more chicken than Col. Sanders himself. And I personally know a guy responsible for the unusually high consumption rate.

Contrary to what the world will love to believe in, we don't carry aruvaals on us all the time. And media reports that we use aruvaals even for sharpening pencils. That is a ridiculous allegation. Beheading people, amputating limbs, sacrificing lambs - these are the holy motives behind our aruvaal usage. Not trivial matters like pencils and coconuts. Sheesh.

The societal set up in Madurai allows its people to develop and prosper in their respective fields. Bank clerks go on to become managers. Yettaiyas (constables) go on to become inspectors. Kabbadi players go on to win the tournament despite losing the semifinal. And goondahs rightfully go on to become Lok Sabha MPs :P

No, Vijay is not from Madurai. He might be associated with Madurai in Ghilli, Sivakasi and Madurai, but the truth : he is from Coimbatore. You dare not continue suggesting he is from Madurai.

Sadly though, Captain Vijaykanth is from Madurai :( but then, he was treated appropriately like shit here before he left to Chennai and made it big :P

We have a lot of youngistans amongst us. These hippies are called minors. They don't drink from pepsi mycans which are absurdly priced and awkwardly held; they don't need the axe effect to woo girls; they are not accustomed to the tiring process of dating. Instead, they tipple kalla liquor and with malliga poo wound around their wrists for deodorization, they are almost always on a promiscuous raping spree.

Who am I kidding! Unlike a big city, all friends are just 15 mins away. With temples, rivers, theme parks, go-karting, parotta eateries and multiplexes, it is easily the most peaceful city with negligible pollution and moving traffic. Which is why, taking cue from Kollywood, I proudly announce

" Naanum Madurakaaran da" :D

One for the Road :)

The much hyped carefree, lecture-free, exams-free, guitar wielding, class la dancing and mass bunking college life, which mom promised me before 12th board exams, is drawing to a close in a week's time. So here goes a list of what I've liked and hated in the 4 years which saw my mush germinate (when u look closer) and interest in studies terminate...

Lines in italics under each point shows what i hate about the same

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0. The ECE B Spamming gumbal.

FB chat doesn't work here :(

1. High speed Wi-Fi enabled campus

Ridiculous system administrator. However crude it may sound, CHarles Dickens is not bad!

2. Zatacka

"Thanks for asking"

3.Egg Biryani, canteen

Subsequent gabbu. Polo the hero

4. Ashok Nagar

The distance from home.

5. Sachin's resurrection, post 2007

Sharath's anti-sachin comments

6. Slapping people during night mode, Mafia game

Playing the Sappa Civilian role. Esp when handed a chit which bluntly reads 'Sappa'

7. Karthik, Shankar Mahadevan concerts

Hariharan's. The paciest song he could come up with was "Aathorathile Aala Maram" from Kaasi

8. Chaai Gang

Sumanth's "1 more km to go" bluff.

9. 1st year canteen drama orchestrated by Sharath & Viney.

"Changing my number" snub.

10. GRE

Concepts and M.S

11. Pah!

Hearing it the 114th time on the same day!

12. Sowcarpet :D

The 2 hour detour to Moore market with Motta.

13. Thomsam. FIFA. Sakthi

When at the receiving end :|

14. PEH

Only during weekends :(

15. Rani - Superstar Jalra

Nanbaaaaaa's standard 'thoooooooooo' comments for the jalra

16. Shweta's home-made cakes

Guinea pigged me for the first attempt.

17. Ford Fiesta

21 H.

18. Suraj's Maid water bottle

Drumming in sync with Suraj during interval breaks.

18. SMS commentary during IPL and every Sachin's innings.

Sowmya, the traitor, supported CSK in 2010 IPL final though she pledged her loyalty to Mumbai Indians.

19. Semester practicals

Plotting graphs and writing records.

20. Yamanuri's own language!

Sumanth's top score in FB word builder game & having to play truck rush over and over again to be on top.

21. Star Wars - Lord of the Rings fight

PK's funny attempt to bring Harry Potter into the fray. :P

22. Brainy project mates -> only editing work assigned to me

Playing Battle Painters alone when every soul around me is busy with project work.

23. Sai's first year mimicry comedy-keemady

Iron Shakthi joke :'(

24. Sleepovers at Sharath's place

Amma thaaye ( still in denial ! )

25. Besi beach for treats and retreats

Not having gone to Mahabs even once!

26. Editorial board

Coaxing people to contribute

27. Late to class, day after day. Year after year.

%attendance over the years : 85, 80, 75 and currently a little around dravid's Test strike rate

28. Egg puffs & Lassi @ stores

Chaat @ canteen

29. Lawn ;)

Professors passing by

30. Tickling PK and watching him go berserk

When done back to me

31. PS3 @ Blur

Lightened wallet

32. Abusing the Australian cricket team during Ashes

Viney's loyal support towards the Australian cricket team

33. Chicken at KFC, Wangs & Tasty Jones

Sandy's and Domino's

34. CAT

IIM - K

35. First ODI in a stadium. INDvNZ 2011

It ended faster than a 20-20 game!

36. Endhiran first day first show at the expense of first review

Car parking charge at EA

37. Saarang

Hindi video that I had to report on

38. Maiden short film. Three robbers and a funeral

The twist goes unnoticed

39. Nithin's snooker show

No more foosball at Grounded:(

40. B'day surpises

Good cakes wasted by smearing

41. Waking up at 8

Missed eventful bus journeys

42. Sakthi's room

Ranga's entry !!!

43. Singapore IEEE 'conference'

Water sports fiasco

44. EDC 50 biz associates (Suraj, Shwe & Viney)

Lost tupperware and Apple earphones. Net profit= -800!

45. Mayajaal

Stinky seats and overpriced Pepsi

46. Fooling Pavithra while playing cards

Having her in my team and she turns me in!

47. Right from first year, had Nanbaaa's company for lunch @ canteen.

Watching canteen food quality decline over the years :|

48. Everyone knows WHO

EVERYONE knows who

49. Sole school mate in college. Krishna.

Can't go around claiming I was the SPL, rowdy, casanova in school

50. Varuvaayngala?

Varela?

All good things come to an end.

The Dumb Desi Democrat!

My eyes widened as I stumbled across a very interesting ridicule-inviting article in TOI. Like Obelix pouncing on a wild boar, the parodist in me is all set to pounce on the person (who btw looks like a distant cousin of the wild boar!) highlighted in the article…

Rahul Gandhi, in his quest to strengthen the Congress at its grass root level, met a top actor in Tamil Nadu in a secret fashion. Secret enough that even 19 year olds who can’t expand UPA (United Party hmmm errr hmmm?) are taking blind potshots at the cloak and dagger meeting… Here goes another!

Though this was initially modeled on a common Sardarji, the goat of all national jokes, I felt I should move with the changing times and hence, the nxg laughing stock - the Indian Politician - Suresh Kammanaati, who is an opposition party member, and is trying to score as much brownie points as he can through this interview as the elections are around the corner…

Reporter– Sir, the Commonwealth games to be held in New Delhi is just a year away. And the very sluggish construction has resulted in the stadiums being only 25% constructed. Shouldn’t we have the stadiums ready by now?

SK - Immediately on seeing the schedule, I knew we would be in deep waters later on. I even
requested the Sports ministry to instead conduct games like chess, carom, pallanguli, Ko-ko, Mangaatha and kabbadi, which won’t require new stadiums! But the ruling party protested saying the athletes from other countries are not accustomed to such games. Whose side is the ruling party on? They care more about the foreign players who will be competing against our own countrymen! I sense a treachery here!

Reporter - Sir, the proposed Games Village is rumored to have inadequate restroom facilities, due to budget deficit. Is it true?

SK - Yes, it is true. Why do we think we named it as Games 'Village' ? Just like the old villages of the early 20th century, the athletes should attend to their nature's call out in the open only.

Reporter– Ugh! Whatever. Moving on. Despite having a population of over a billion, we are unable to produce world class athletes. What is your take on that?

SK – Do not blame my countrymen. They have been trained with games such as ko-ko, gilli danda, jallikattu and Kabbadi right from their child hood.

Reporter – (Interrupts by clearing his throat) – But sir, we should…

SK (Ignoring the reporter) - But the world, unnerved by our supremacy in these games, doesn’t include them in Olympics and other world championships. So, if the people of this state vote for my party and lead us to victory in the upcoming elections, I PROMISE I would take these desi games to the Olympics and make sure our participants return with not just their reimbursement bills but with a few medals!

Reporter- (Muttering swear words under his breath and masking it with a smile) – What does it take for India to win next year’s Commonwealth Championship?

SK – India shouldn’t invite Australia and England to next year’s championship. Possibly scare them off with swine flu threat or special screening of blue (even movie reviews were incomplete as movie reviewers left on their flight to India or we’ll bring ‘non-Whites’ movement back into the fore !

Reporter – Thank you for spending time with us. (Relieved, gets up and is about to leave).

SK – Hey wait, I need a few publicity stills, take a picture!

Reporter- Of course, how would I forget that? (Takes out his cam as Kammanaati strikes a pose)

SK – Wait. Does my blue shirt go well with the red tie?

Reporter – Doesn’t matter, sir. We will be publishing only a black and white picture 

SK – So?

T20 - Jedis and Wizards in Middle Earth... Part I

T20 Match

Star Wars team vs Harry Potter world

The captains, Yoda and Dumbledore walk out to the center of the pitch for the toss, amidst a deafening noise from the stands. The dementors, students of Hogwarts, clones and a few people from different planets of the Galaxy occupied the side stands, while the Ministers of Magic, Death Eaters, Hogwarts staff, the Jedi council and the rulers of all the planets in the galaxy are seated in the pavilion block.

Cheerleaders for the HP team - Veela girls from Beauxbatons Academy.

As agreed by the two teams, the match is conducted in a cricket stadium called Middle Earth in a neutral venue. As per the cricketing regulations, umpire and the referee shouldn’t be of the same clan as of the opposing teams. Hence, Gandalf the gray is the umpire and Sauron is the match referee.Your commentators – Jar Jar Binks and Neville Longbottom.

The match referee Sauron tosses the Ring in the air, after announcing that Yoda wins if the side having the inscribed words faces him. Yoda eventually wins the toss and says in his trademark way, “Bowl first, we will”.

The line up...
HP team
Dumbledore(captain),Harry,Hermione,Ron,Voldemort,Snape,Draco,Krum,Dudley,Fred,George.
Star Wars team
Yoda(captain),Luke,Leia,Hann,Obi-Wan,Qui-Gon,DarthVader,Palpatine,Manjo,R2D2,

Pre match presentation - SportsCenter, LIVE on ESPN!
(OKay, I do know that SPorts Center is not a prematch pres show but I couldn't find a better picture!!)

Hosted by Jar Jar Binks and Neville Longbottom!

An hour before the show starts and 10 minutes before the cameramen and crew arrived…
Neville and Jar Jar are shuffling their papers and rehearsing their lines. Neville takes his remembrall outside and notices that it has turned red. He checks to make sure that all the papers are in the right order. After mulling over what he has forgotten to bring to the studio, he decides that his remembrall is malfunctioning. An hour passes by and the show goes on well, with Neville not forgetting a single line.
The final lines…

JJB – A great game on the cards. Mesa support Star Wars. Mesa looking forward to the match like yousa. Thankyousa.
Neville – For all the galaxy wide viewers, you can catch live action of the match in a few moments. And I hope the Harry Potter team beats the pants off the Starwars team. Its Neville and JarJarBinks signing off, without anymore fancy pants talk.

JJB and Neville stand up to shake hands as Sports Center’s end-of-the-show music is being played. And Neville realizes why his remembrall is glowing blood red.

Neville wasn't wearing his pants!



Jar Jar Binks (left) and Neville Longbottom

ROAARRRR....

When Ganguly announced his retirement from international cricket, the news dint affect me much as I missed Ganguly the ODI player more, but when he signed the camera on the last day of Border Gavaskar trophy, the feeling that Dada will not wear a cap adorned by the Indian crest left me shaken and stirred, as millions like me grew up watching Sachin and Sourav open the innings.

Rarely does a glittering cricket career in India end on a high. But Dada's career of controversies and centuries did. India's favourite southpaw retired from INternational cricket, provoked by the BCCIs( Vengsarkar,you bloody swine) baffling decision to drop him from Challenger series.

After announcing his arrival at the international arena in England with a bang, he has spent most of his career in the shadow of Sachin, popping out sporadically by match winning knocks and controversies! In the sport stricken city of Kolkatta, the young Ganguly had a brief fling at soccer but found his destiny in cricket,pursued it with all his heart, rose above all the odds and reached it in stlye.

During his debut century at Lords on a swinging wicket,during his fearless slaying of Pakistani attack in the INdependane cup final at Dhaka, during his five wicket haul at Toronto, during his topless jersey waving act at Lords signalling India's resurgence, during his career best ODI knock which came against Srilanka and during his classy century at Sydney, we have always unflinchingly supported and cheered the Prince of Kolkatta. And the vociferous roaring of the crowd in Eden Gardens when the Bengal Tiger walks down to bat, hunts down and rips apart the opposition bowling attack, is one of the most brilliant sights in any country and in any sport.

Innumerous times we've seen the Dada taking on spinners,treating them like high school fellas and whacking them out of) the park by dancing down the pitch fearlessly and arrogantly ; the way he pierces a packed offside field during the first 15 overs with ease, the way he pierces a packed offside field during non-powerplay overs with elegance and natural flair, the way he creates room and slams thunderously a boundary... All these beautiful moments which ascertain Sunny's statement. "On the offside, first there is God and then Ganguly".
And for atheists like me, he is the God of offside. Yeah, the He of offside.

An unrelenting warrior in heart,a journalist-friendly controversialist, a successful captain, a mentor for youngsters, a loving dad and husband, one of the world's greatest to wield the willow... Sourav C. Ganguly. Thanks for all the hours when you left millions rooted to the couch before the TV,whistling and hooting in sheer joy.

This is just a tribute to our Dada. Mind you, I havent yet started to exaggerate about Him :)



RECORDS THAT YOU MAY NOT BE AWARE OF
-First Indian to score an ODI century against Australia in Australia.
-Highest ODI runs scorer in the world (in a calendar year) in 1997,1999,2000.
-Second in the list of highest number of centuries in a single calendar year ever. 7 centuries in 2000
-He is also the only player to win 4 consecutive man of the match awards in ODIs
-His Test average has never been less than 40.
-Hold the record of most 200+ ODI partnerships (6 times) along with Sachin Tendulkar and Ricky Ponting
-Sourav, along with Sachin Tendulkar, formed by far the most successful opening pair in One Day Cricket, having amassed the highest number of century partnerships (26) for the first wicket. Together, they have scored more than 7000 runs at an average of 48.98, now with Sachin he is a world record holder for creating most no. of 50 run partnership in the first wicket(44 fifties)
-Third player to cross 10,000 ODI runs and so far the fastest in ODI history, after Sachin Tendulkar. He also reached 6000, 7000, 8000 and 9000 ODI runs milestones in the fewest number of matches.

Twilight

G.I.Joes...Maggi...Tazoos...Center fresh cricket player cards...DD...Shakalaka Boom Boom...Frontyard rubber ball cricket...Shattered windowpanes...Pepsi tin stumps ...Velvet pencils...Magic Pop...Business...Monopoly...Book Cricket...Rides in the classic Fiat car...Hindi Tuitions...Mean big bro...Paper-Rubberband weapons...Chakra Skating...Hanaplast...Cousins...64 in 1 video games...Tom n Jerry...T-Bone ~~ Twilight street cricket...Duplicate audio casettes...Remuki puffs...Re.1 pepsi ...Paper boats in the rain...Crocin...Re.1 picture charts for projects...Playing football in the hall...Irking Granny...Backyard trees...Ripe berries... Powercuts ...Enid Blyton...Bright evenings...The Hindu (big enough for me to hide behind) and Milo...Half polished shoes...Carrom n Chess...HW diary sign forgery...Sideyard garden...Chitchat with Thatha... Evenings in the 90s...Smiling eyes.


Nokia King King game...Pizzas...Just Lays chips...Cric Info...Cable TV...ESPN...EPL ...EA Sports Cricket 08...Windows XP system hang...Overpriced tins...Parkers and Sheaffers...Death by Chocolate...Board games getting predated by insects...Driving TATA Indigo...Tutions for everything except Hindi...Bro in Indore...Rubberbands only in the office room...Forgotten rollers...Videogame set tucked away in the loft ...EPL...Lollu Sabha...Empty streets in the twilight...Bazaar Audio DVDs...Barren piece of land at Remuki...Appy Fizz...Water puddles longing for boats... Wikipedia+CtrlC +Ctrl V +Ctrl P for projects...Granny irked by my absence... Backyard trees...Rotten 'unplucked' berries...UPS...Sidney and Jeffrey...Bright evenings...Yahoo! messenger...Slippers...Max Payne...Cell phone to-do list...Sideyard garden...Lonely thatha... Memories of evenings in the 90s...Wet eyes.

Mustafa Mustafa and Pyaar

Try picturing a guy, arranging a deck of cards patiently for several hours to arrive at a momument. A pretty girl, no i'd better say a cute girl walks past the guy, still at work, flashes a wide smile and bang...her makeup kit containing handbag hits the underneath card and the structure collapses to the horror of the guy and the onlookers gasp, not at the arranged cards tumbling down but at the guy, holding a calm face following the sheepish grin from the cute girl.

Try picturing a guy, arranging a deck of cards patiently for several hours to arrive at a monument. A good male-friend of his walks past the guy, still at work and flashes a dumb smile. Blows air against the half baked building to check its rigidity and the structure collapses to the horror of the guy and the onlookers gasp, not at the arranged cards tumbling down but at the guy, swearing at his friend with expletives that you can find only in Eminem's uncensored lyrics or in a feedback about Bush by gulf natives.

The girl makes an absolute blunder and still stays off trouble while the guy can hold on his nerves when its a girl causing a problem.

Now,with nothing more to discuss on this topic, lets find what the bigwigs have to say about love and its apparent estranged relationship with friendship.
Our special correspondent, Ms. Reporter is decked up with steamy attire and ramped up with questions to fire at the experts.

Vijaykanth, who is playing a sleuth in his latest movie DYEHARD, argues that love is very much necessary in life but he doesnt have time for all that as he has to hunt down Kashmiri terrorists in Orissa.

Thalapathy Rajnikanth feels friendship is the most valuable thing on earth. But with much introspection, it was revealed that Rajni was friendly with Mamooty because he lived on the food given by mamooty.
Proof - Rajni sings " Nanban potta soru, dinamum thinnen paaru" ,ie he gulped down food from Mamooty's home.
And our reporter pointed out to the proof and demands an explanation.
Padikaathavan-Superstar shys away by saying "Yes,yes..Thank you".

Self proclaimed little ‘superstar’ Simbhu ( 20 years down the line, wont little be a little stupid? ) expresses his little thoughts on the same…
Love is sacred and its my duty to kill all the girls who are'nt living by moral values.
And when inquired why he had to rape them before the killing act, he retorts, " Look, my only hit movie was inspired by Sigapu Rojakal, the 80s classic. So you should be asking Kamal hassan for the answer "
Our reporter insists on a reply right there, Simbhu continues under his breath audible only to the reporter,
" Hey Ms.Reporter, you look gorgeous in this white salwar"
Reporter-Yikes! Pack up crew!

Our reporter finds time to catch up with Surya to record his perspective.
Time - 4:11 pm
" Hello reporter, its great to have you here, as I’ve got only few minutes left before Ghajini shooting resumes. Its a good movie, where I play the blah blah blah blah....."
reporter - Sir, your opinion on love?
Time - 4.16 pm
"Hello, you look like a reporter, so what can I do for you?"

At Vijay's place, he expresses his feelings on love
"Love is a once in a lifetime feeling and when you are in love, you will start listenin to flowers rustle as if its a soothing piece of music; you will feel like you are flying over a distance of a mile in the air"
Reporter - " But sir, you always do that in your movies but then we thought it was an action scene, with you performing a daredevil action stunt!"
Vijay - " make it superking action stunt else i'll get into brand loyalty trouble!"

Ms. Reporter finds Vivek at the beach, grumbling on Vadivel’s success. He chips in with his view on the topic by recalling his experience.
“Madhavan, a software engineer and a great friend of mine, once left me stranded after colliding head on with a truck and stalked Reema Sen into a mall. Finally I had to bear with the rain of blows from the cops before accomplishing an escapade. Also, Maddy had loaned out my gf for a week in the excuse of stopping a marriage he wasnt intersted in. So, I feel, guys can demolish friendship of any intensity for a girl, ie figure kaaga friendship cut pannuvaanga”. So vivek opines that a guy will ‘cut’ friendship for a figure.

Superstar's son in law Dhanush while on his way to the gym, took his time off for answering to the question.
"The girl will not lavu a guy who sells a tea or studies well as in Kadhal Konden, but the girl will love handsup men with a good job. So it ees best for the boy to register the marriage the day she says ok to love proposal. Beware, the girlu may prepare a pail/divorce in advance (mun jaameen). OKay enup for today, me going to gym for maintaining my six pack abs"
Reporter - " Isn't that your rib cage?"

Koundamani was spotted in a cafe and when asked for his views,
" I not taking love seriously. But one thing i telling ya, one romantic looku is enough to flat a girl. And while chattingla correcting a figure, check if your student or friend is deceiving you by acting like a girl! "
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AR0HY9JKd5Y

Our reporter found Shyam at a theatre which is screening his own movie, ushering his friends and other people in for free tickets and even pays for few people to see. When questioned,
"Love is.... Friendship?"
On being asked to explain, " err.. Well that was a dialog copied from Kuch Kuch Hota hai, so am off with it. Ask Shahrukh Khan for an elaborate answer."
(Ask SRK? Will he have time between managing a team in tatters, a reality show with the lowest trp ratings, blogging shit about other actors and making hundreds of commercials round the clock"?
On asked to brief about the twin love story nestled in the movie 12B and how they came up with the idea,
"Errr... 12 B's plot is loosely based on the Hollywood flick, Sliding doors. So buy its DVD at the bazaar shop no.24 and tell them that I had sent you. You ll get the best bargain. Also buy any number of movies there for the same low cost but please dont publish this little info on Sliding doors in your magazine tomorrow!"

TR, planning to don the role of King Kong in the Indian version of the same, takes out sometime from his cramped schedule to voice his views on the same.

Love is nothing but a rose to pluck
IF you escape the thorn, its coz of luck
Once in love, you are a happy duck
Ice Hockey game is played with a puck
Dandanuck hey hey dadakanuck

Ms. Reporter finishes, ”you may be an actor, but I don’t give a **** “ and slaps him hard.

Sarath kumar’s picking on the topic,
“ Love is very important. My political party is fully behind love and we offer full support to lovers, unlike the rest of the parties So with the power vested in me after being voted the CM, I’ll do anything to unify lovers. So please vote for me.”

Full support to lovers? Well, after ANNA durai, THANTHAI Periyar, is it UNCLESarath?

Kollywood bigWIG Sathyaraj speaks out his mind on love.
“Kannu, love can happen to anyone, be it a 50 year old thug and it might be because of an 18 year old. Friendship is very important too. I also thank Koundamani, Manivannan and Vadivel for sharing the screenspace with me and also make my movies tolerable by their comedy”

Jayam Ravi was spotted at a telugu theatre and was asked to talk about his views on the same...
"Girls will always go for guys who are lively/jovial/something something or disciplined/mokkai/dad's child.. or ..or..or..err... just wait till Siddharth's next movie is released!"

Ms. Reporter feels its not the right time to meet Vikram, who is working on Pithamagan and may talk/look like someone from the Apocalypto crew.

Kamal, meanwhile announces that he doesnt believe in marriage anymore. But dude, that’s an extremely late realization, you’ve married thrice till date!
On questioned about Simbhu's reply, Kamal argues,

"Love is divine, if u have the heart to donate blood to anyone, then it is love and you are God "

Forbes 'SAFE' 17

Given below is a list of companies/corporates that are a part of the famed forbes 2000 along with their respective taglines. Now,forget the company name and read just the taglines.Consider those taglines to be that of some misc company.
Don't mind a few shades of crudeness...
Arranged in increasing order of suitability/aptness.

THE FORBES Safe-17

17.Everything is Possible - HP

16.Your partner for life - Max new york

15.A Passion to Perform - Deutsche Bank

14.The Stuff of life - kmart

13.Experience. Results. - CSC

12.Make Every Day Exciting - FORD MOTOR

11.All you Desire. – TOYOTA INNOVA

10.The Complete Man - Raymonds

9.Bond with the Best - Reid and Taylor

8.Because Health Matters - SANOFI AVENTIS

7.Be Fearless. SYMANTEC

6.Accenture - High Performance. Delivered

5.The citi never sleeps - CITI BANK

4.Do More with Less - Windows XP ~~~~ Your Potential Our Passion - Micro'soft'

3.Connecting people - NOKIA

2.You can do it. We can Help - Home depot

1.The world puts its stock in us - NYSE New York Stock Exchange

;)

Why I dont want to become a Cricket umpire

Why I don't want to be a cricket umpire...

Off to off-field jobs... Umpiring would be a good option but with skippers hogging the work of umpires lately, that will prove to be laborious too. Nor can I dodge those mighty hurricanish bludgeoning straight down the ground by pinch-hitters.Nor can I watch non-subcontinental spinners bowl the same line in a drab way.Monty - an exception, I would give batsmen out just to watch him celebrate in his zany ways. Flat benign tracks which don't offer assistance to any mode of bowling and I cant just be watching the batsmen exploit such conditions and never get a chance of drinking gatorade while someone gets out.

I dont like the idea of being under scrutiny as I won't give Sachin out in the most fictitious of the dreams.
Bowled or caught or both... No - Ball.
LBW eh? My head will be ever ready to shake ( would love to add a digitus impucidus-middle finger salute)

And also the thought of carrying those sweat drenched hankies, glasses and battered foul-smelling caps of bowlers while they are bowling... Ugh ! Signalling four or six or leg-byes to empty stands when some away team is playing will perhaps top the charts for the most ridiculous sight in sports. With excellent tigerish fielders filled sides like Australia, I always have to be on the run to avoid their cannon-like impeccable throws and simultaneously monitor the stumps closely to check on possible run-outs. And the critics easily write us off as incapable when we refer to the 3rd umpire ass often... To hell with them.

After ditching the traditional white apparel for ODIs in the lines of commercialization of the game following the advent of Kerry Packer series, the ICC officials never spared a thought about the umpire's boring and sick white dress. No wonder, cricket players get all the limelight and celebrity girls ( though its for certain that they ll be dumped after a tour) . Another strong reason is that I am not good at pacifying verbal duels and even worse, expert at aggravating it. So the next time you see me umpiring for an Ind-Aus match, you can well expect WWE style clashes on field between Symonds or Hayden and Bhajji. And how I wish I could dance with Sreeshanth while he performs breakdance steps...

Thousands of thoughts will revolve in my head
~~Wow that hot chick sitting within my eyesight in the pavilion stand looks great ~~Damn that third umpire guy, sitting relaxed in his a/c room absolutely idle and just have to press a button to my rare query ~~ How I wish I could have a bluetooth device on for Hawkeye updates ~~ Jeez, this bowler's hankie smells worse than my socks, will never signal no-ball to him as it might prolong the time I have to carry this piece of shit ~~ You hard hitting batsman, dont ever think of hitting in my direction or I'll dismiss you for LBW on a bouncer ball ~~ Now,where is the restroom? ~~ Next tea break, I should somehow usharpannify or flirt with that Pepsi cart girl ~~ OMG, Symonds at mid-on position, even harder now to dodge his accurate throws ~~

But circumnavigating the globe ( OC la ) will be great fun and things can't get any better in Carribean beaches %-). And the bitter side of touring is Srilanka's sweltering heat and pathetic looking girls. ( Now, don't accuse me to be a racist!)
The other secret desires - to trip a bowler during his run-up and watch him tumble with that wicked smile, during India-is-gonna-lose-for sure situation declare the match abandoned due to poor light or do a Darrel Hair act.
Bribery am totally against it ... wait let me complete ... when am not involved in it.
Bribes welcome... be it a million bucks in cash or shares in Reliance or few sq.m of land along the IT corridor,Chennai !!!

BUZZ !!

X - Hiii... Wassup?
Y - Nm u shud oly tel me

Everyone who knows how to use a computer ( which implies IMs and Mozilla) would've come across the above conversation. Stupidity, but noone admits nor cares.Absurdness, it will seem like for someone new to the IM world,and a perfect example of a normal start to a conversation for a seasoned IM user.

The usual pre-signing out msg is cya,tc,gn,sd.
Why is that 'take care' for when everyone knows you are going to enjoy a peaceful sleep and that there are no harmful microbes lying undercover under your bedcovers or a cold blooded assassin waiting to stab you from inside the closet.
Goodnight and sweet dreams... Warmly and hearty wishes but the invconvenient truth is that noone means it.

Wassup ? Well that question cannot have answers as people take to chatting when they are bored or nothing to do or not bothered to work. So, a nothing much will evidently be the answer and you already know that. Though perplexing, nothing much is the phrase over which several hours of animated conversations are curiously built upon.
Answers like ceiling or sky... Doh, please grow up !

People with busy,in a meeting and be right back display titles(whether true or not), you could do without them. Or add " in'x' mins " to the phrase to serve some purpose.
Emoticons is another such topic.Its however true that statements and info that can't be exchanged over the phone or in reality, can be done without any discomfort or hesitation. You can always something controversial and if the reciever is enraged at it, you can add up with ;) just kiddin

The other day, while finding time to talk over the phone to a friend, I was narrating animatedly about some rumours on the round about me in my college.
Instead of making ahem ahem sound by modulating the voice, my friend actually said "ahem ahem" !

And least but still the last, certain people, in the objective of enlivening the conversation, suffix normal words with respective characters like
Hiiiiiiiiiii ; what ???????????????????????? ; oieeeeeeeee ; byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Imagine everyone talking or behaving the way they chat on IMessengers with wassup, lol, rotfl,BUZZ !! and by the time you finish byeeeeeeeeeeee, the intended recipient will be miles away. And you can never have two IM windows on, chatting simultaneously. Greeting one friend who had just come online with "heyy! long time since we chatted :( " while in the other window bitching, " god, the boring idiot online now". When someone cracks out a joke, try rolling on the floor laughing ( rotfl) or give a :D when someone ridicules you or give a :P while snapping at your friend or try saying you look bad followed by ;) to your latest crush....


Thinking about all this.... LOL !

American mappillai Dulhaniya Le Jayenge !

I detest those Indian guys in USA. Seriously.

The Indian population in US partly consists of guys who havent been able to secure a decent job in India and going off to USA. They see off the criticisms by not-so-well-wishers by smartly saying MS in US had always been in the back of their mind and that job+money is not what they are after but knowledge.
~ Adeengu ! ~

If we have a look at their past records, the history will be as dismal as anything.
Bad marks in 12th coupled with a never heard before course in a deemed university or a college ranked onehundred and soccham. 60% in college and to join the party is his abysmal under-average performance in numerous on-campus interview ( if any in their college) and screwing up royally in all off campus interviews. Crash courses in NIIT and GRE or other competitive exam training course - same story. And between all this comes his girlfriend, who bears with him for four whole years and finally dumping him when all other fellows get a job or pursue non-management quota higher studies.

And our hero, short of ladylove and a job,and with a score of failures under his belt, convinces his parents with stories of electronics being the future of the world and that he can make a good living after doing MS in US. And digging deep down the pockets of his parents, he finally is shipped off to US. And while in US, he isnt going to recuperate for his failures so far. Takes more than two years to complete his 1.5 yr course, anxiety and tension augmenting in his ageing parents. He gets to enjoy great food, babes and also wanders around the city in weekends.

And on the opposite end of the diagonal, there is this pakka prototype of sincere boy, with 1150+ marks in 12th, second day of Anna university counselling, 85% in college, placed in the first company in campus recruitment, works tirelessly for 5 yrs in 6-7 IT companies and never gives a thought about having a girlfriend as his parents are seeking a good alliance(bride) for him.

Bang ! The MS guy reappears in black and white suit, taking away the most goodlooking elite girls in the city with his monumental salary in US and the typical American maapillai accent. And the sidelined sincere fellow has to wait...

American mappillai Dulhaniya Le Jayenge !
(American guy will take away the bride)