CROLLYWOOD

Lalit Modi, the wedding priest : Do you, IPL, take H(B)ollywood, to be your lawfully wedded partner?

Yes. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for more PR, for more money, to love and to cherish 'till match-fixing do us part.

CRicket + hOLLYWOOD = CROLLYWOOD

DHARAMSALA, THE L.A of CROLLYWOOD

RCB’s PIRATE OF THE CARIBBEAN

Chris Gayle landed the lead role of this franchise, as the cool Captain Kingfisher who is an unrelenting scoundrel showing absolutely no mercy on enemies and also gulps down bottles of Whyte n Mackay's rum frequently. Deepika Padukone and Siddarth Mallya as Elizabeth and Will Turner keep making out for no reason after every victory over a pirate ship, which was achieved single-handedly by Captain Kingfisher. Despite faring well at the box-office, this movie lost out to 12 Hungry Men, starring Dhoni in the race for FairPLAY and the Best Picture Oscar. Ironically, the FairPLAY Oscar award was sponsored by Vijay Mallya which made the season's results a bitter pill to swallow :D

P.S : They also proved Ghilli’s Vijay right by losing in the semis and still making it to the finals :D

KTK’s PAC-Man

Despite being warned, KTK went ahead and shot the second most costly movie of the year, PAC-man. As most of the Comic Book superheros like Batman, Superman, Spider Man, X-Men etc. have been turned into billion dollar movie franchises, KTK had to choose a new popular hero. And they zeroed in on PAC-Man, without realizing what it actually was. The movie bombed at the box-office. Period.

AT LEAST THIS SUPERHERO HAS 3 LIVES !

DD’s American AUSTRALIAN BEAUTY

Despite having a lot of fair skinned second grade Australian actors, Sehwag was miffed about not getting the FAIRplay Oscar.

If there is ever a FAIRplay award, we know who deserves it best! Oh and ya, the gay award too.

RR's WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS… happens here too

The title says it all. Warne drinks, plays poker and argues bitterly with bouncer dude Dixit.

MI’s PSYCHO

In this thriller, the world’s favorite Sachin Tendulkar plays the protagonist who suffers from multiple personality disorder (MPD). After an excellent first half, where he essays his role to the T, he makes fatal mistakes when it comes to making decisions. This, later on, is revealed to be due to chronic MPD. Symonds, ageing and weak, plays the role of his mother. Suman and Satish are unnecessary characters absolutely irrelevant to the script. Pollard, who plays the detective in the movie, crazily sledges, sneers and gives threatening looks to guys who actually beat HIM up! Ask Watson. Due to this uncharacteristic behavior, Psycho came nowhere near to lifting the FairPLAY Oscar.

The locks, the age and the face shape - Andrew Symonds!

Photo Credits : Harbhajan :D

KXIP’s ROCKY

Part one, strictly.

KKR’s S(H)TUTTER ISLAND

The movie initially shows how KKR reaches the knockout stage of IPL. The rest of the movie is a figment of Gautam Di Captaino’s hallucination, where he imagines his team winning the IPL trophy thanks to a fiery match-winning last over by a yellow clad bowler Jabail. Gautam’s vision blurs while celebrating the victory and he collapses to the ground. Upon waking up, doctors reveal to him that his team has been knocked out of the tournament. He searches frantically for Jabail, his champion bowler. TO his shock, he realizes that Jabail is actually an anagram for Balaji and his team jersey’s color was blue and gold. Not yellow. He is then taken to a place for rehab, which explains his absence in the squad to the next tour to West Indies.

CSK’s 12 Angry Hungry Men

Having won the Best Picture Oscar last year, CSK Productions was written off by the critics as never once in history has the ‘same production house/same director/same hero’ combination won the Best Picture Oscar twice in a row. People’s poll agreed with the critics. Everything seemed to be against them, but for the jury consisting of 12** Hungry men; hungry for one more title and also the popular South Indian Saravana bhavan sambhar vada. When the 10 members of the cast were crestfallen at the seemingly right verdict of both critics n people, MS Dhoni ( Juror #8) makes the cast believe in themselves, brings the best out of even average actors like Jakati and finally turns the tide in favor of them. 12 Hungry Men astonishingly won both the Best Picture Award and the FairPLAY award J

**Juror #12 is N. Srinivasan. Why him ? His posts of responsibility says it all.

BCCI(owns IPL) secretary and CSK owner :D

Save IPL, Mr. Obama!

To

Mr. Obama**,

White House, Amerikka.

I have drafted a proposition to the IPL Executive Committee. But most of them are either in exile or imprisoned. You see Mr. Obama, I am another one of those Indian middle class men having a nine-to-five job. (with traffic, seven-to-seven). After a hard day’s work, I return home expecting cricket or a sensational report about a scam. And for the last 3 years, Mr. Lalit Modi has provided more than just smatterings of both. But ever since he was ousted from the IPL proceedings, new innovations like advertising DLF 6s, Maxx mobile time outs & ads between deliveries have dried up. It has to be rejuvenated with radical changes. Henceforth, I’m writing this.

I hear you were nominated as the T.I.M.E person of the year, months before you were sworn in as the president. Hope is an over-rated word in USA (which explains Shawshank Redemption at the top of IMDB top 250 and your campaign success). Big appataker, I hear, you are. You were quite a sensation even in India during Presidential elections. Some among us even wanted to vote for you and staged a protest demanding the rights for the same. You seem to be coming often to India to dance in schools like this. After you are done with the dancing, put in a word through Dr. Manmohan Singh or directly:P to Sonia Gandhi to consider this letter and make the changes.

1. With the average match total gradually decreasing over the years, 6s & 4s are also suffering the same decline. And the cheerleaders get to rest their muscles for most part of the game. Mallya hates to see young talent going to waste. So, the cheerleaders will dance for every single taken and every dot ball. Boundaries and 6s will anyway be cheered by the crowd and DLF advertisers(read commentators).

2. The ‘kicha’ option can be availed if a star batsman gets out early. Who would not love to see Sachin being handed a second life(that too with Pakistanis not around!) at the expense of Satish?

3. The first ball of the match can be recklessly belted to any part of the ground, treating it as a free hit. If the batsman is dismissed, he can call it ‘trials’ with a grin. (Sehwag will like this license)

4. Sharad Pawar, Srinivasan, Chiefministers, Srikkanth, again Sharad Pawar, Chirayu, Sunil Shetty, previously Modi, that Sachin fan with a sangu.. All these guys are shown several times over the course of the game, which in the interest of the general public, should be stopped. Mallya is an exception, as Deepika/Katrina are in the same frame as him :D . The cameramen should be instructed to instead hunt down hot females in the stadium.

5. Players with a poor history and reputation of sitting sixes and trying to bat out the entire the innings without risks will have to face a harsh rule : one pitch catch! Direct catches are ruled out for them. For the other big hitters, the rules are the same. Kallis, ipo enna pannuva :P ?

6. If Deccan Chargers are playing at home (win% zero!), then the winner will automatically be the team whose captain wins the toss. Come on DC, 50-50 is better than 0-100!

7. If a player hits a DLF (previously called a SIX) , then it will be treated like a modified home run. The batsmen can keep running between the wickets until a spectator throws the ball back into the field. Home advantage it is, with the crowd actually being the 12th member of the team. Unless the visiting team occupies the midwicket part of the stadium, Dhoni will be running a fragmented marathon at leisure :D

8. L. Sivaramakrishnan and Arun Lal will be officially ousted from everything concerning cricket: Commentary box, Field, Extraaa Innings, Newspapers, Advertisements & Radios. We don’t want “Sehwag scores his first boundary and interestingly it is the first boundary for the Indians!” or “To win this match, Indians need to do well in just three departments : batting, bowling and fielding”.

9. Duckworth-Lewis method will be dropped. Instead, baseball like super over will be played under rain. Seriously, a better choice than the one those two English gentlemen came up with. You don’t trust me? Ask Southafrica.

10. Preity Zinta and Shilpa Shetty will not be interviewed at any cost. We don't want a "Lalit Modi is the brainchild of IPL" from Shilpa or the puzzled look on Preity Zinta's face when a batsman gives a catch to a fielder during a free hit and doesn't walk to the pavilion.

11. Reservation policy is not being followed in the IPL. All IIMs and IITs are wise enough to let in people from various societal strata and compromise on quality. Why can’t IPL follow suit? Equality is more important than quality. Bring in SC, ST, MBC, BC, AD etc. To add to the chaos, bring in women reservation bill and let everyone have a ball, literally.

Yours sincerely,

Johnakiraman Doerasamy

** - why hasn’t Amerikka given you an honorary Dr. title yet? Come to India, we’ll give you 2 :)

9 pins of the 90's

Imagine F.R.I.E.N.D.S without the ugly naked guy. Or a Shankar's movie devoid of a hundred colorfully painted man bellies for a 3 second segment. Or the Big Bang Theory without Howard's Mom screaming. Or a Vijaykanth movie lacking a scene where he bullies bullets. Each of the aforementioned examples are peanut parts of one complete entertainer. Take em off, the main plot doesn't lose its way. But these teeny-weeny parts, though insignificant, cannot be forgotten. On similar lines, Indian Cricket through the 90s, though dominated by Sachin-Dravid-Sportstar-Dada-Kumble-Dalmiya, had its own share of ugly naked guys ( pardon the crude metaphor). And this post is about them.

Note: Vijaykanth illustration doesn't really fit in here. Those scenes are in fact the crowd pullers for reasons the director would never have expected. But who doesn't love taking a dig at our Captain? :D

It is the 90's.

Dhoni is still a kid, with rising milk theft reported in his area; cricket watchers are safe from Arun lal's nonsense; Tony Greig dons the role of cricket God's prophet; Mandira Bedi knows no cricket and wisely stays away from it; and the rest of the cricket fraternity?

Mark Waugh : "Funny that team India opens their bowling with that spinner bloke who has an extended run-up and doesn't really spin the ball well ". Venkatesh Prasad : :-@

Lakshman Sivaramakrishnan (on his premature retirement ouster) : "My childhood dream was to torment the cricket world. I tried doing it with my tight off-spin and it din't work. But someday, I'll be back to realize my dream. I swear."

True to his word, he is now an annoying commentator :-(

Manjrekar : "So what if my batting makes people groan and yawn? At least they can catch some sleep when India's matches are telecasted live late in the night. Sachin has absolutely no concern for the peace of the nation."

Harvinder Singh : "I would be better off competing in high jump competitions."

Deepdas Gupta : "****g*** *ib** ***b** ***er*i* ** * **s**h" (U really care what he was upto?)

Vijay Bharathwaj : "What am I doing here?"

Sadagopan Ramesh's school coach: "Ramesh! Move dammit. Move your legs during the drill. You stubborn little monster. You are gonna end up in cinema, not cricket."

Azar : "Ganguly, move to the point position and dive to stop singles."

Jadeja : "Azar, 50-50."

Salman Butt (8 year old) : "Daddy, I wanna emulate Azar."

Match Fixers : "Attention, dealers! Sachin goes. Betting begins."

T20 - Jedis and Wizards in Middle Earth... Part II

The HP team supporters cast Lumos spell on all the lights and the stadium comes alive, presenting a brilliant spectacle. The Star wars team, led by Yoda fly slowly to the pitch in their pods. They huddle together to discuss about their strategy, that was worked out by Yoda and R2D2 with C3PO as an interpreter. Finally, they disperse to their assigned positions wishing each other with the words, “Let the Force be with you”. The Harry Potter team’s opening batsmen, Ron (with a wand) and Hagrid (with a club) walk to the pitch to the thunderous ovation that came from their supporters awaiting the start of the battle.

Ron, at the strikers end, waits patiently for the first delivery. The whole stadium erupts as Gandalf signals the start of the match and Obi Wan Kenobi is raring to bowl the first delivery. Ron, with his wand raised concentrates hard on Obi Wan’s run-up. As the ball( a lightsaber-proof one) comes at a blinding speed to the stumps, Ron tries to cast a flipendo spell on the ball to just defend but without Hermiones assistance ,forgets the way it has to be pronounced and ends up saying Flopendoooo. The ball skids on and rattles the middle stump. Star Wars team draw first blood.

Hermione takes guard at the strikers end and Obi Wan gears up for the next delivery. Hermione drives one straight down the ground with a powerful Flipendo spell. Boundary as there is no long on or long off and the Veela girls start dancing by a Tarantallegra.The next delivery – Hermione,uses the Impedimenta spell to slow down the ball and when it has almost stopped, uses Wingardium Leviosa to hoist the ball and make it land in the stands. The ball drifts toward the fineleg boundary and Haan in his Pod keeps ogling at the Veela girls and completely ignores the ball. Six! The next three deliveries turn out to be well disguised short balls which Hermione just defends. The score- 10/1 in 1 over.

Ad - Fred and George Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes shop.

Luke Skywalker is all set to bowl the second over. Hagrid keeps his club raised, ready to strike and grins at Madame Maxime in the crowd. Luke bowls a fast delivery and before Hagrid could strike, it races to the keeper Leia. Hagrid misses 3 more deliveries and the HP section of the crowd is silenced. Hagrid smiles at Maxime before the fourth ball, but she turns away in disappointment. Hagrid, in a web of fury, slaps the ball hard into the stands, not giving the fielders any chance. The last delivery turns out to be an excellent bouncer which hits Hagrid hard in the chin and suddenly the ball just vanishes. Manjo, standing in the slips, walks to the batsman to search for the ball, and it suddenly drops from Hagrid’s might beard. Manjo dives to his right and secures a catch. Two down for HP team. The Star Wars section hoot loudly as the giant takes a long walk back to the pavilion, crestfallen. The score- 16/1 in 2 overs. Hermione and the new batsman, Dumbledore play some intelligent cricket and take the score to 69 at the end of 8 overs.

Drinks break. Draco Malfoy, the 12th man is made to bring in refreshments for his team. Furious over not being selected in the main 11, Draco takes a minute off to tell Darth Vader he’ll do anything to bring down his team. And finally, Draco casts the Confund\us charm on Dumbledore just before the end of the break. Dumbledore is bowled out the very next ball from Haan. Dumbledore, confused over the path to the pavilion, bumps into Haan and Rita Skeeter in the audience takes a picture of the bumping act. Voldemort, the next man in, defends the first two deliveries. The next delivery, he casts the Avifors spell on the ball. The ball changes into a bird and flies towards the boundary. The next two deliveries meet with the same fate. The score- 87/3 in 9 overs. The following three overs were of mixed fortunes for HP team. Darth Vader, a spinner, before bowling the 13th over, gets his robotic arm programmed by R2D2 so that he can add leg spin and off spin to the same delivery. Hermione, caught unawares by the delivery, gets out. Snape,Fred and George Weasley follow suit in the same over as Darth Vader notches up a hat-trick. 110/7 in 13 overs

Meanwhile, a section of the Star Wars crowd make some racist remarks at Manjo, the only brown player of the match.
Harry Potter, the next man in, walks to the strikers end as the crowd chants his name. Harry casts a Conjunctivitis spell to damage the bowlers eyesight. With a straying line and a disorderly length, Harry takes up most of the strike(enna than irunthaalum hero aache) devours a run feast , builds a 50 run partnership in 5 overs with Voldemort, who contributes only 11 runs.

19th over. Palpatine, the Sith Lord bowls a quick out swinger which hits Voldemort in the legs. As the whole Star Wars team claims a leg before decision, Gandalf nods his head slowly and the HP team lose their 8th wicket. Krum plays out the the next 2 deliveries and then hits 2 consecutive fours. He finally gets out in the last deliver. Darth Vader, looking for a 5 wkt haul and Harry(on 39) craving for a 50. The first two balls fetch 10 runs for Harry,who moves onto 49. Darth Vader bowls three beauties which leaves harry completely flummoxed. The score-178/9.

The last ball of the match – everyone on their feet, ready to witness a fantastic last ball duel between Harry and Darth Vader. Rita holds her camera tight focusing on Harry. Darth before the run-up, threatens Dudley that he will let out a snake near him if he runs during the final delivery. Darth bowls a off-leg-off break and Harry with mighty concentration just pushes the ball into the gaps with a spell, runs to the other end and raises his wand in joy of reaching a half century. The crowd, in contrast to what he expected was hushed in absolute silence. Wondering what had went wrong, Harry turns slowly to his right to find Dudley, shuddering and rooted to the crease…

T20 - Jedis and Wizards in Middle Earth... Part I

T20 Match

Star Wars team vs Harry Potter world

The captains, Yoda and Dumbledore walk out to the center of the pitch for the toss, amidst a deafening noise from the stands. The dementors, students of Hogwarts, clones and a few people from different planets of the Galaxy occupied the side stands, while the Ministers of Magic, Death Eaters, Hogwarts staff, the Jedi council and the rulers of all the planets in the galaxy are seated in the pavilion block.

Cheerleaders for the HP team - Veela girls from Beauxbatons Academy.

As agreed by the two teams, the match is conducted in a cricket stadium called Middle Earth in a neutral venue. As per the cricketing regulations, umpire and the referee shouldn’t be of the same clan as of the opposing teams. Hence, Gandalf the gray is the umpire and Sauron is the match referee.Your commentators – Jar Jar Binks and Neville Longbottom.

The match referee Sauron tosses the Ring in the air, after announcing that Yoda wins if the side having the inscribed words faces him. Yoda eventually wins the toss and says in his trademark way, “Bowl first, we will”.

The line up...
HP team
Dumbledore(captain),Harry,Hermione,Ron,Voldemort,Snape,Draco,Krum,Dudley,Fred,George.
Star Wars team
Yoda(captain),Luke,Leia,Hann,Obi-Wan,Qui-Gon,DarthVader,Palpatine,Manjo,R2D2,

Pre match presentation - SportsCenter, LIVE on ESPN!
(OKay, I do know that SPorts Center is not a prematch pres show but I couldn't find a better picture!!)

Hosted by Jar Jar Binks and Neville Longbottom!

An hour before the show starts and 10 minutes before the cameramen and crew arrived…
Neville and Jar Jar are shuffling their papers and rehearsing their lines. Neville takes his remembrall outside and notices that it has turned red. He checks to make sure that all the papers are in the right order. After mulling over what he has forgotten to bring to the studio, he decides that his remembrall is malfunctioning. An hour passes by and the show goes on well, with Neville not forgetting a single line.
The final lines…

JJB – A great game on the cards. Mesa support Star Wars. Mesa looking forward to the match like yousa. Thankyousa.
Neville – For all the galaxy wide viewers, you can catch live action of the match in a few moments. And I hope the Harry Potter team beats the pants off the Starwars team. Its Neville and JarJarBinks signing off, without anymore fancy pants talk.

JJB and Neville stand up to shake hands as Sports Center’s end-of-the-show music is being played. And Neville realizes why his remembrall is glowing blood red.

Neville wasn't wearing his pants!



Jar Jar Binks (left) and Neville Longbottom

ROAARRRR....

When Ganguly announced his retirement from international cricket, the news dint affect me much as I missed Ganguly the ODI player more, but when he signed the camera on the last day of Border Gavaskar trophy, the feeling that Dada will not wear a cap adorned by the Indian crest left me shaken and stirred, as millions like me grew up watching Sachin and Sourav open the innings.

Rarely does a glittering cricket career in India end on a high. But Dada's career of controversies and centuries did. India's favourite southpaw retired from INternational cricket, provoked by the BCCIs( Vengsarkar,you bloody swine) baffling decision to drop him from Challenger series.

After announcing his arrival at the international arena in England with a bang, he has spent most of his career in the shadow of Sachin, popping out sporadically by match winning knocks and controversies! In the sport stricken city of Kolkatta, the young Ganguly had a brief fling at soccer but found his destiny in cricket,pursued it with all his heart, rose above all the odds and reached it in stlye.

During his debut century at Lords on a swinging wicket,during his fearless slaying of Pakistani attack in the INdependane cup final at Dhaka, during his five wicket haul at Toronto, during his topless jersey waving act at Lords signalling India's resurgence, during his career best ODI knock which came against Srilanka and during his classy century at Sydney, we have always unflinchingly supported and cheered the Prince of Kolkatta. And the vociferous roaring of the crowd in Eden Gardens when the Bengal Tiger walks down to bat, hunts down and rips apart the opposition bowling attack, is one of the most brilliant sights in any country and in any sport.

Innumerous times we've seen the Dada taking on spinners,treating them like high school fellas and whacking them out of) the park by dancing down the pitch fearlessly and arrogantly ; the way he pierces a packed offside field during the first 15 overs with ease, the way he pierces a packed offside field during non-powerplay overs with elegance and natural flair, the way he creates room and slams thunderously a boundary... All these beautiful moments which ascertain Sunny's statement. "On the offside, first there is God and then Ganguly".
And for atheists like me, he is the God of offside. Yeah, the He of offside.

An unrelenting warrior in heart,a journalist-friendly controversialist, a successful captain, a mentor for youngsters, a loving dad and husband, one of the world's greatest to wield the willow... Sourav C. Ganguly. Thanks for all the hours when you left millions rooted to the couch before the TV,whistling and hooting in sheer joy.

This is just a tribute to our Dada. Mind you, I havent yet started to exaggerate about Him :)



RECORDS THAT YOU MAY NOT BE AWARE OF
-First Indian to score an ODI century against Australia in Australia.
-Highest ODI runs scorer in the world (in a calendar year) in 1997,1999,2000.
-Second in the list of highest number of centuries in a single calendar year ever. 7 centuries in 2000
-He is also the only player to win 4 consecutive man of the match awards in ODIs
-His Test average has never been less than 40.
-Hold the record of most 200+ ODI partnerships (6 times) along with Sachin Tendulkar and Ricky Ponting
-Sourav, along with Sachin Tendulkar, formed by far the most successful opening pair in One Day Cricket, having amassed the highest number of century partnerships (26) for the first wicket. Together, they have scored more than 7000 runs at an average of 48.98, now with Sachin he is a world record holder for creating most no. of 50 run partnership in the first wicket(44 fifties)
-Third player to cross 10,000 ODI runs and so far the fastest in ODI history, after Sachin Tendulkar. He also reached 6000, 7000, 8000 and 9000 ODI runs milestones in the fewest number of matches.

Why I dont want to become a Cricket umpire

Why I don't want to be a cricket umpire...

Off to off-field jobs... Umpiring would be a good option but with skippers hogging the work of umpires lately, that will prove to be laborious too. Nor can I dodge those mighty hurricanish bludgeoning straight down the ground by pinch-hitters.Nor can I watch non-subcontinental spinners bowl the same line in a drab way.Monty - an exception, I would give batsmen out just to watch him celebrate in his zany ways. Flat benign tracks which don't offer assistance to any mode of bowling and I cant just be watching the batsmen exploit such conditions and never get a chance of drinking gatorade while someone gets out.

I dont like the idea of being under scrutiny as I won't give Sachin out in the most fictitious of the dreams.
Bowled or caught or both... No - Ball.
LBW eh? My head will be ever ready to shake ( would love to add a digitus impucidus-middle finger salute)

And also the thought of carrying those sweat drenched hankies, glasses and battered foul-smelling caps of bowlers while they are bowling... Ugh ! Signalling four or six or leg-byes to empty stands when some away team is playing will perhaps top the charts for the most ridiculous sight in sports. With excellent tigerish fielders filled sides like Australia, I always have to be on the run to avoid their cannon-like impeccable throws and simultaneously monitor the stumps closely to check on possible run-outs. And the critics easily write us off as incapable when we refer to the 3rd umpire ass often... To hell with them.

After ditching the traditional white apparel for ODIs in the lines of commercialization of the game following the advent of Kerry Packer series, the ICC officials never spared a thought about the umpire's boring and sick white dress. No wonder, cricket players get all the limelight and celebrity girls ( though its for certain that they ll be dumped after a tour) . Another strong reason is that I am not good at pacifying verbal duels and even worse, expert at aggravating it. So the next time you see me umpiring for an Ind-Aus match, you can well expect WWE style clashes on field between Symonds or Hayden and Bhajji. And how I wish I could dance with Sreeshanth while he performs breakdance steps...

Thousands of thoughts will revolve in my head
~~Wow that hot chick sitting within my eyesight in the pavilion stand looks great ~~Damn that third umpire guy, sitting relaxed in his a/c room absolutely idle and just have to press a button to my rare query ~~ How I wish I could have a bluetooth device on for Hawkeye updates ~~ Jeez, this bowler's hankie smells worse than my socks, will never signal no-ball to him as it might prolong the time I have to carry this piece of shit ~~ You hard hitting batsman, dont ever think of hitting in my direction or I'll dismiss you for LBW on a bouncer ball ~~ Now,where is the restroom? ~~ Next tea break, I should somehow usharpannify or flirt with that Pepsi cart girl ~~ OMG, Symonds at mid-on position, even harder now to dodge his accurate throws ~~

But circumnavigating the globe ( OC la ) will be great fun and things can't get any better in Carribean beaches %-). And the bitter side of touring is Srilanka's sweltering heat and pathetic looking girls. ( Now, don't accuse me to be a racist!)
The other secret desires - to trip a bowler during his run-up and watch him tumble with that wicked smile, during India-is-gonna-lose-for sure situation declare the match abandoned due to poor light or do a Darrel Hair act.
Bribery am totally against it ... wait let me complete ... when am not involved in it.
Bribes welcome... be it a million bucks in cash or shares in Reliance or few sq.m of land along the IT corridor,Chennai !!!

Jinx lifted !!!

A glorious pleasant Friday evening at Sydney...
A cut through the covers, and the SCG crowd rose to their feet and applauded.
The master back in business with a boisterous bang.
Indian triclours shining with pride in the crowd as its favourite son scores a ton.

Ricky...Who??

The God of Hundreds smiling at Sachin.Bhajji (determined after a rift with Roy) gives a high five to Sachin.
The whole nation upbeat with the Master's ton, morale of Indians hikes.A thousand cameras clicking at once.
TV viewers glued, with a gleeful smile, to the television to see their hero make it to triple figures after quite a while.
All news channels and sportscenter, start preparing headlines for their primetime shows.
A vociferous exclamation of joy by a bookmaker, as Sachin's ton won him millions and a doleful gambler who had lost the same n sulking, yet managing a smile !
The paparrazi clicking away the nextday's cover story picture.
Students (inc me) leaping in joy as they see the sms announcing his ton.
Office goers trying hard to supress their smile while talking to their manager, who is beaming goofishly with joy.
Sunil, Ravi, Harsha and the whole commentary team cheerfully continue their work.
The Indian camp in the dressing room at their feet, realising that after all, Sachin is the lynchpin of the team.
Soothsayers and felonious josiar crooks announcing that the fifth star is behind the sixth one and hence good fortune for Sachin.
Arjun Tendulkar has another chance to flaunt to his school mates about his Dad's heroics.
Finally, prayers answered, poojas and araadhanas have effected his innings.
Sachin looks up into the sky and gives a smile at the smiling god.
HE couldnt have scripted a better story...
19 years and running, 38 centuries and counting...

Australian supporters and cricketers,too frustrated by the Indian innings, but can they cant stop the cheeky smile in their lips, like the one reading this right now!

Such is the impact of Sachin, brings on you an invlountary smile...

Sachin....great...in every sense of the word !

SACHIN'DIA - India's greatest entertainer....

Tears flowing out of the eyes of millions, and a major part of the onlookers not able to believe what they saw, everybody cursing the fallacious decision, some sighs for unanswered prayers, and a whole nation dumbstruck and speechless (of course including me! ) , and work goers, who had dodged their work get back to their office in haste and... this is no war or the news of the demise of someone far-famed. Its the instant aftermath of sachin's dismissal in the nineties against england...


Sachin sighed when he was given out, but it wasnt a personal grief that he missed out on a century, but he was unhappy that he couldnt give the spectators another big moment to cheer about....

Such is the impact of Sachin in the mind of cricket lovers which is almost the whole Indian popluation... The young sachin, 18 yrs ago ( even before i was born) , surprised everyone with a quickfire 50 against arch rivals pakistan and since then he has metamorphosed the outlook of cricket from a serious pastime to something closer to a religion, where hes the god! No wonder poojas and archanas and aradhanas (am not talking about girl names!) are done on the eve of the match. Rahul Dravid has changed a lot since his Kissan Jam ad where he was a cool young heartthrob....He looks a lot more sterner, with shades of grey now. But Sachin has slighty changed over these 18 years.Still a hot topic among the fairer sex ;)




We, indians have travelled along with this incomparable batting maestro's journey, as he was dancing down the pitch and whiplashing the quickies and trouncing majestic sixes off the spinners, school kids turned truants and cheered him, college goers partied and cheered the match, even office goers were reluctant to give up the match for the sake of a day at office, even sexagenarians and octogenarians cheered the nation's hero and even the whole of the state's top authorities and politicians were present at the ground to cheer him ( or maybe it was campainging in disguise).

Those timeless immortalized moments when Sachin sent goosebumps down the spine of the so called fearsome fast bowlers who were hit all over the ground, and when anything shortpitched was pulled or hooked into the stands, anything over pitched being driven away to the fence and goodlength deliveries hit straight down the ground or flicked behind, and his liveliness in the field and craftiness with the ball will always be remembered and revered...

One thing that i detest about is the media which swings after every sachin's innings. They start a poll whether sachin should be dropped from the team when he goes through a short lived transient lean patch and when he top scores, they switch their diplomacy towards sachin and praise him lavishly and for his finesse innings...

Well listen up media... Your stupid attempts (just to grab the attention) to turn the tide against sachin when hes slightly off colour will always end up in vain. Whether its a zero or a hundred (or 90+ ;) ) we hail Sachin! Hence all your desperate attempts to criticise the nation's pride will keep on backfiring because eventually its the press that is being laughed at by every cricket lover...



Hes the highest paid cricketer and earns about 14 $ million annually, from various endorsements like adidas,pepsi and airtel.In a nation wide poll, he is voted as one of the FACES OF NEW INDIA, along with men of the likes of Mahatma Gandhi and Amartya sen ! A recipient of Rajiv Gandhi Khel ratna and Padma Shri, he was invited by Ferrari's team boss to drive Schumi's automobile on the occasion of getting past Sir Don's tally of 29 test centuries. This stands testiomial to the fact that Sachin factor is so significant in stamping Indian sporting prowess on the World map.


Whether it is his merciless attack on the Australians at Sharjah or his famous rivalry with Shane Warne or the run feast in 96 and 2003 worldcup or his mental toughness during his hundred against Kenya following his dad's death or his five wicket match winning haul agnst Australia, there is always 'S'tyle,'A'uthority,'C'ourage,'H'appiness IN TENDULKAR...


Sports is the best form of Entertainment and Cricket is almost synonymous with Indian Sports which in turn is synonoymous with Sachin. Hence forth India's best and the greatest entertainer...the unrivalled matchless incomparable 'OUR' Sachin Tendulkar TM



Nothing can last forever...they say...but well maybe Sachin's feat and hours of delightful entertainment will last as fresh as ever in the minds of Indians.When Kapil Dev retired, the lights had gone out of diwali but when OUR sachin tendulkar retires, the diwali will itself vanish and along with it the those cherishable moments glued to the television cheering Sachin and remaining oblivious to mom's incessant yelling at me to study...


HIS entertaining career is going to end one fine day and not just me but the whole nation hopes that that day doesnt come anytime soon or hope for the implausible thing that it should last forever...